Sunday, September 1, 2013

Rearranging, Dishes and One Missing Piece

Things are changing fast. God dropped another job into my lap--which I really love. My daughter goes with me and I get to spend every day with her. Kids grow up so fast! She'll be a teenager soon and you know what that means. My daughter, Savannah, is in a boarding academy about 3 1/2 hours from where I live. Our church is gung ho on having the kids in Christian Schools and have made it possible for kids whose families can't afford it, through various ways, to be able to go. My local church family have also committed themselves to helping Savannah. I pay what I can, which isn't a lot and I am so thankful for all the help.

So there are only 3 of us home now...the incredibly shrinking household!! Hard to believe now there were seven of us! My girl will be here for visits and the summer. And of course I'd like to add one more member..instead of always decreasing ;) But he's nowhere to be found..YET! I do have my eye on someone...but it's just a thought. A sneaking suspicion.

So with my daughter, Savannah, out of the house...there lies a giant pile of dishes in her least the potential for a giant pile! She was the best dishwasher and would do them often. The rest of us are so busy now that it's unrealistic to think we could keep up with them, so today's project is to store AT LEAST half the dishes in the basement! Yes you heard me right! They're getting kicked to the curb! I think if I could I would just love to go on a mad rampage throwing the junk out of my house! But in reality--I know I'd be the one picking it all up out of the driveway!! But today..the dishes are going!!

And so wow! God has just really rearranged my life in a good way! Thank You, God, You know where each piece fits best! Hoping that one missing piece of my heart finds it's way home soon :)

Thursday, August 1, 2013


How are you spending your life? Let's not waste any jelly beans :)

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Me and God Had a Party

So we're driving down Highway 101 and seeing the Redwoods all around us. We're heading to the ocean near Ferndale, "The Victorian Village" and I say to the is it that we have no money but are spending a week in the Redwoods at Camp Meeting? God gave us a vacation that began as a weekend and developed into a week. I only had enough to stay for the weekend, but my mom surprised us by showing up. I woke up Sunday morning in the cool mountains and whispered,"Oh God I don't wanna go home today." I proceeded to hurry to the last couple of meetings I would be privileged to attend, not wanting to waste any of the time left, only to return to a surprise announcement that we would be able to stay for four more days!! I juggled my schedule around a little back home and thanked God for the way He worked things out.. I had no intention of going to Camp Meeting this year. I had so many reasons why we couldn't go..but at the last minute decided to step out and go.
Camp meeting is a gathering where thousands of SDAs come and camp and go to lots of meetings. There are meetings throughout the day for all age groups. They go all out for the kids and as I walked by the different classes for the children, I remembered how I had taken my youngest to all of  them. We haven't been in 5 years. Things just have not been good for the past 5 years. In 2008, our last time at the Redwood Camp Meeting, God spoke deliverance to me. I was seeking Him for help with my problems and pain. He called me there and provided the means to go. I knew He had a message for me. This was the first time that God became really big to me. Funny too the theme was "God is a big God". I spent much time in prayer in my tent crying out to my journal. One night, toward the end of our time there, I went to the main meeting with my cousin. It was outside.  My song that year had been Chris Tomlin's "Amazing Grace-My Chains Are Gone" I listened to it almost constantly--dreaming of the day when I could sing it. The woman who led in the prayer time decided that everyone would have a time of silent prayer. She shared her testimony of what was happening in her life--hard things she was going through. She asked us all to open our bibles to Psalm 31:15 and pray over it. She read...
My times are in Your hand;    then stopped.

And I prayed that....and then alone and silently, I kept reading and praying-touching the words...

Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
And from those who persecute me.

Suddenly, in the silence, I heard the song "Amazing Grace--My Chains Are Gone" wafting over the camp ground from the early teen meeting, crystal-clear, from quite a ways away. I burst out in silent emotion..crying and laughing at the same time. I was overcome with emotion. The whole song played before the woman ended the prayer time. God had heard me! This was His promise to me. This meant he would take me out of the situation I felt so trapped and confused in.
The next 4 years were hard ones. Years of strife and separation and confusion and pain that was growing more difficult to deal with. And I was desperately holding onto God's hand and trying to trust Him. In one year, I moved 5 times. Each time a part of God's plan as He lined everything up for His coming intervention and deliverance. He worked out every detail. He never left me but kept communication with me, encouraging me through the darkest times and guiding me by showing road signs. That's another amazing story. A new reality opened up to me about God. I saw a God who was so beautiful, so thoughtful, and so real it was scary at times! You see I had tried to free myself and wasn't able for whatever reason. A few times. But He is more than able and so it finally happened last summer.

This summer, this July, this camp meeting was the first year that I was free--that my chains were gone. God had truly delivered me. I wanted to meet Him there on that mountain in celebration and thanksgiving. But had so many reasons why I couldn't..until they were all removed. And so me and God had a party!! :)

Saturday, July 27, 2013

You are Enough

Being a follower of Jesus does not mean that your life suddenly turns into a rose garden. It does not mean you have no problems.

They are thinking about closing my church down. It does not matter that we are a living, breathing community of believers who meet together in our small town to worship God and strengthen each other. It does not matter that by being here we are keeping a light burning in our community for people of like beliefs which cannot be found in any other church in our small town. It does not matter that we are bonded to one another. No it does not matter. What does apparently matter is the size of our bank account. We don't have much money. It does not matter that we share a pastor with the church in the next community which has means and in all actuality we are not costing the conference anything more. No it doesn't matter. We simply do not generate enough money in tithes. We do not matter...

But we matter to God. And we matter to each other and the people out there we've yet to reach with the gospel matter to God and to us as well.

And so if they decide to shut us down, which is the current aim it seems, we will start a new church.

And maybe that is just what needs to happen. A new church with a new life. Fully reliant on God.

No, being a follower of Jesus does not mean your life suddenly turns into a rose garden. It does not mean you don't have problems.

I am a year out of my emotionally abusive marriage. For that I am thankful. But divorce and single motherhood was not what I would have hoped to be dealing with at this time in my life. I look around and see happy families and mine continues to crumble around me. My kids are getting into trouble and rebelling. I have dedicated myself and my life to raising these kids and bringing them to Jesus and it breaks my heart to see what's happening now. We don't fit into the pretty little mold..but we do fit in with God who sees the why behind every action and has a solution for the toughest situations. All I can do is cry to Him for His mercy.

At this present moment, my life would appear to be in a shambles. To be a wreck. Every aspect of my life is unsettled or chaotic. And to God I am holding on. He is the only sure thing in this world.

So even if my life crumbles and the ex rears his ugly head,
and even if there is no money to live on,
and even if the church closes it's doors,
and even if my kids turn against me,
and even if I end up alone,
I will praise You Lord, for You are enough.

Monday, July 8, 2013

I Wonder--Leeland


I've been humbled and allowed to see my own sin. A very good Christian friend of mine looked at me and said how do you do it? How do you take anything that comes your way? I said, "God helps". She doesn't see me when I am alone..losing it. She sees me trying to hold things together. But this woman is the most positive person I have ever met. She is also the most encouraging. She's a great example. How many others who seem to have it easy look at me and does she do it? Or maybe in their hearts there is sympathy?

Sometimes I just fall so hard..."Pride cometh before a fall" was what I came across twice in my devotions this morning. That is what's happened with me. I'm the one judging and I'm the one who is in need of God's grace and that's apparent in my life lately. But I wasn't left without hope. It also said God will help you back onto your feet again.

So I am going to quit thinking so negatively about my Christian brothers and sisters even if they are different than I am. In the book I was reading this morning it also said to quit dwelling on what you don't have. Okay..I will stop.