Life in His Hand

Every New Year, I pray for a word that sort of describes and sets the tone for the upcoming year. Last year's word was- "step."   God impresses them on my mind. You can click on "step" in my labels to read about what all happened with that word this year. Last year was very hard, as I was approaching the New Year. I was under tremendous pressure at home. I knew my husband and I needed to get a divorce. I just didn't know how the kids and I would make it. So there was a lot of fear surrounding that. During that year (2011), God had provided things for us (teaching me to trust Him) when there simply was no money, including moving us to this smaller, cheaper house-where the kids and I could have a chance to afford to live on our own, when the time came. I knew the time would come, when I found out we were moving here, because He had announced it to me a month ahead of time. Soon, I need to share the story of the sparrow and the little blue house. Another st

For those of you that don't know, this year has been a doozy for me. I went through a divorce and all the transitions and changes have been very difficult. I am really learning to trust God. EVERYTHING is different. There is not one aspect of my life that hasn't changed or hasn't been affected in some way, even things that are foundational to me, like church, haven't been left untouched by this. But there has been a lot of growth on my part. This has been good for me, although it didn't/doesn't always feel so wonderful. Divorce is hard. I knew I needed out of the marriage. The emotional trauma that this divorce caused was just tremendous.  And so the pain and all the emotional stuff I went through, actually surprised me a little. I didn't think it would be so bad. Slowly, things have gotten better. I am learning to stand on my own two feet-still feeling a bit wobbly. On the flip-side, the benefits of this life-changing event are wonderful. I am no lo

Being Adventist means being different. Going against the grain. From our day of worship (Saturday) to our diet (typically vegetarian) to our choice of entertainment and several of our beliefs--we are different. Yes, we are the same, in many ways, with other Christian denominations--but it's the differences that tend to cause us to stand out and be noticed. I think unless some types of people were born into the church, they might have a hard time being so unconventional. Seems people want to just blend in a lot of the time. In my church, that's quite impossible to do, unless you see no one besides fellow Adventists. Yes, we stick out like a sore thumb. For me, this was quite natural. I've always been a rebel. I never fit into the mainstream. I was a heavy-metal kid and always felt different. It was okay with me and I was probably proud of that fact--who wanted to be like them anyway? So I found my niche--other misfits like myself. And life went on. Until Jesus go

Merry Christmas!! Today I am celebrating Jesus and what He means to me. If He wouldn't have come as a tiny, helpless Babe so many, many years ago and showed the world who God was; if He wouldn't have lived a life as an example for me; if He wouldn't have given it all to pay my way...where would I be today? Nothing in this life compares to having a relationship with Jesus. It's not a one-way, cross-your-fingers, close-your-eyes and hope-He-is-real kind of relationship. God is very real and communicates with us as well. There was a time in my life-most of my life, where I didn't know God. Opening my heart to Him and seeking after Him has been the most thrilling, life-changing experience.  So today, I am not only thankful that Jesus came to this dark world as a Baby on a mission, but that He comes into my heart, daily, and abides with me here.

Blessings come in small packages this year. I am just really grateful for the little things. Just hearing my kids laughing and carrying on, smelling cookies baking in the oven, looking at our cluttered tree--decorated with lots of sentimental ornaments the kids have made over the years. Our tree is fake and only about 4 feet tall. It's on a decorator table in the corner. Usually, we would have a big tree but our house is just too small for one now. The amount of ornaments on our tree is more than enough for a tree twice it's size..yep, cluttered. Cluttered with sweet memories from the past. Spent last Sunday with my dad. It was our annual Christmas get-together and we always have pizza and root-beer floats. All my kids and grandkids were there. It was nice visiting with my dad. I don't see him often enough. The kids always have a great time. He cracked me up this year. He brought us all into his extra room and on two long tables he had lots of Christmas stuff laying o

I have a simple, little house, but it contains everything and everyone I love the most. I walk in the door and see pictures hanging on the wall that speak to me. I feel the warmth and smell apple cinnamon candles, see my books at home on their shelves and I am wrapped in colors that I love. I see my kids' clutter strewn all over the floor...backpacks, shoes, you name it and it isn't long before I'm handing out the chores. Home sweet home. I can especially appreciate it now. I know how fleeting it is. One day these guys, too, will grow up and leave me like my older two did. And boy it sure didn't take too long for that to happen. So I need to cherish every day, every moment we have together. I am thankful to have the kids brighten my daily life. What a privilege. Some places remind me of just how fortunate I really am. People who are elderly, alone, they're homes aren't kept up the way they used to be. Their kids and families are gone and one by one they'

Had a magical time with my kids in Sabbath School this morning. Our lesson was on the angels singing to the shepherds. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.   An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.   But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.   Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.   This will be a sign   to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven  and on earth peace   to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:8-14

It's a crisp, cold morning and we are getting ready to head out to church. I'm pretty bundled up with a sweater, jacket, scarf and boots. Yep, feels like winter. There is so much to be thankful for-especially when I compare my life to how it was last year at this time. At least there is peace in my heart and in my home. I am looking forward to a future that is unknown. For so many years it seemed things would stay the same forever-because they had for soo long. I'm not exactly happy about an unknown future, but I am learning that this is when I must trust it to God and count on Him to help me. He hasn't let me down yet. It's still scary. Some lessons you can only learn by walking through them. One step at a time.

The one great thing that really excites me about being a Christian is the fact that God is in my life. He's real. He's present. I see Him, sense Him, hear Him, feel Him. It's not pretend. He is not an imaginary friend that my mind conjures up on it's own. What so excites me about God is that He shows up. He is thoughtful. One day at church, a few weeks ago, during prayer, our speaker prayed, " Lord, put your arm around those who are hurting today." As I was kneeling there, I felt someone touch my back. Twice. I looked to see who it was. It wasn't the person beside me or the person behind me (I even asked). I was so overwhelmed by that. God put His arm around me that day. Did I deserve it? No. I'm struggling a lot lately. All I could think was--He really wants me to know He loves me. And that He understands my struggles and problems and no matter what I do--He still loves me. When He promises to carry you--He does. When He promises to save you--He do

On Wednesday, my study group was over. We typically read the Bible,  read a section from a book called, 'Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing' and pray. Sometimes, I share a story. Yesterday, I shared one called, 'Unanswered Letters'. It was about a man who had lost one arm, the use of his legs and on his "good" hand, he only had one finger and his thumb. He was discouraged, because he couldn't really do anything anymore, but wanted to do something to help other people. He started thinking about writing  letters to people who were shut-in like himself. He thought of writing to prisoners. His mind was still brilliant; he had a lot to share. He contacted a Christian ministry and began painstakingly writing letters twice a week. Only thing was-he wouldn't receive any responses since it was against the rules of the prison. He put everything he had, his whole heart into writing. He eventually became discouraged as it was so physically challenging for him. Fi

I have been getting ready for Thanksgiving this week. Okay, so the idea of decorating for Christmas, early, kinda fell by the wayside. Suddenly, I got really excited about Thanksgiving! I'm not having a huge crowd, just about eight of us. I decided that since it was a smallish group, I would set the table. So I started pulling out table cloths and napkins and candle holders. Then I realized I have NO pretty glasses! So I set out to find some at a second-hand store (which I did!). I watched a cool video about decorating your table with things you already have around your house. Was inspired. Here it is... As I waited around for my daughter to get out of school today, I checked out a second-hand store that was nearby and found eight really nice plates that were like new. I could have used what I already had, but these were really cheap and pretty. For a centerpiece, I am using pretty red Asian Pears and leaves. Tomorrow, I will hunt for branches with beautiful red and gold

We're thinking about dragging our artificial tree up to the house and getting out the trunk where I store the ornaments and decorations. We have never decorated this early...usually we do it on the day after Thanksgiving or the next day. For some reason, I feel like if we decorate early, then we could make something or find a way to add to our decor using natural or homemade things...because that's what you do when you're broke. It's weird that I even have the desire to make anything...I am NOT crafty. What's this strangeness overtaking me?? Resourcefulness? Homemade-itis? Craftymom-itis (NEVER!!)? I just keep seeing myself and my kids sitting around the table making something out of paper... I think I'll be on the hunt for some greenery that no one would miss. I am looking forward to the season. Not the crowded stores or the shopping, but the simple family traditions. Like decorating the tree and reading true, heartwarming Christmas stories. Looking at th

God does amazing things! Brings situations full circle. Last November, I wrote a story on here about my son. It was the 20-year anniversary of a painful time in my life and I just felt compelled to write about it. I was 18 and pregnant. Here it is... THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2011 Cold November Rain It was the first day of November twenty years ago. A dreary day with clouds and drizzle which eventually gave way to rain. Cold November Rain. "Please just drive," I said to my friend, Dave, as I wiped away the tears that just kept coming. What have I done? Why did I let this happen? Didn't I ever learn? I felt so guilty. And sad. Not for me so much as for the little life just confirmed by a pregnancy test at the health department. A little life I'd suspected. A little life I loved with all my heart. Another little life I would raise...alone. As soon as I got in the truck, I turned on the radio. "November Rain" came on. I looked out the window

I have had one of the most amazing, surprising and touching weeks of my life. I want to share it with you so bad, but first I think I may need to get permission from someone. Something in me just feels so right and so complete. I can't wait to tell you! It's huge and a long story. Just need to figure out just what to say and how to say it. I'm still marveling over what has happened. HINTS: Facebook 20 years healing beginnings WOW!!!!

How wonderful are the friends who remind us that God IS right here with us, even when it doesn't seem like it. And when we feel most down, they are there to pick us back up again, dust us off and help us on our way. What a priceless gift friendship is. So as we speak, my problems have not gone away, but my heart is warmed by the tender compassion shown me by a true friend. I have also been able, through this encouragement, to hand it all over to God and let Him carry it. I thank God for the amazing superpower, called love, He gives to some. For when it is shared, amazing things begin to happen.

I'm wondering if life will ever feel "normal" again. Like comfortable again without so many uncertainties. Now there's a whole bunch of new stuff to deal with, like having no say over what happens with my kids when they're out of my house. I've tried so hard to teach them to live a moral life and I've tried to set the right example for them. And it amazes me how all those years of training can be so totally disregarded. They have to be exposed to unchristian practices and it so infuriates me, but my hands are tied. Talk about feeling helpless. I had a really hard time with this last night. But God is faithful... I know He's walking right here beside me in this. I don't know what's going to happen in this life, but I hope it gets better and easier to deal with. Or that I get stronger and can cope with it in a better way. And what do I do with the hate I am feeling? The one comfort I have and the one thing that gives me hope is God.

It's really starting to feel like October! The nights have been gradually getting cooler and last night we had a fire outside in the fire-pit. Ahh...pure joy! Here, where we are in California, it usually doesn't feel like fall until about this time. I've just gotta say that I do believe fall is my favorite season. Every year, we throw a little harvest party at our church on Halloween night where we have some very homemade and simple carnival style-games for the kids that are trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. We don't celebrate Halloween and over the years I have had a harvest party for the kids at church, as an alternative. A few years ago, I decided it would be fun to set up carnival games in the fellowship hall, thinking it would be just our kids, not realizing that the kids at the door would want to come in and take part (silly me!). That first night we probably had a hundred kids come through. It was fun and it stuck. This is our third year, I think, d

There are so many unknowns in my life right now and so much I need to hear about from God. I have decided I need to fast from media, including Facebook, for a week. As well as communicating more than is necessary in order to shut out all the voices and listen for the still, small voice. I just need some time to sit quietly before the Lord, in meditation and prayer. I am at a place in my life where I just don't know what to do. So I've decided to stop, rest and wait--for His guidance. I think it'll be a long week, but I am hoping to have answers by the end of it. I decided to allow myself to blog because it's an outlet. Let him sit alone and be silent        Since He has laid  it  on him. Let him put his mouth in the dust,        Perhaps there is hope. Lamentations 3:28, 29

Yesterday, I had a pretty bad day. Without going into a lot of detail, someone said something hurtful to me and it all just snow-balled from there. I was having a lot of negative thoughts about life and just feeling blah. By the end of the day, I was worried and doubt-filled, and just flat gloomy. I even wrote about it on here but came and deleted it after awhile. Today is a new day. Every day is a new day and sometimes with that new day comes new hope and a much brighter outlook. A good night's sleep washed away that gloom for me. Even in the midst of the hardest things, we can find some reason to be grateful. Some reason to rejoice. The very fact that we're breathing is cause for celebration. Of course, yesterday I wasn't feeling this way at all. So today I want to write out 10 things that I am thankful for and encourage you to do the same. I am thankful for: my family true friends that it's fall that I am in a relationship with God working with the

Sometimes the SKY   just   opens up and  SMILES  on you... For so long I felt like I was just barely holding on. Holding onto God's hand and His promises so tight that my fingers were aching and felt as if they were slipping... Suddenly, my life has taken a different turn. I am receiving more encouragement than I ever thought possible from a wonderful friend that just appeared out of thin air. The clouds are gone--leaving only blue skies.

My Grandpa Ernie just recently passed away and we went to was his memorial service yesterday. The one thing that was repeatedly said about him was that he was always positive, always kind and very generous. And that's how I remember him, too. When we were little kids, we'd spend lots of time with him and his wife Fay at their house, having family dinners and playing red light green light in their yard. Grandpa always would pull quarters out of our ears or his and give them to us--then we'd run down to the store and buy candy. I heard the stories of how Grandpa shared his knowledge of cars and motorcycles with the boys in the family and thought how wonderful that was that he passed along those things to the boys. In his time of sickness, Grandpa turned to the Lord and I am forever grateful for that. I only wish he could have known the joy of serving the Lord here, but he will get to know Jesus in heaven. One really wonderful thing about yesterday was having so much of th

Lately I've been feeling a little scattered--like the leaves of fall. So many thoughts fluttering in all different directions. Wondering where I belong. Wondering what I should be doing. Wondering , wondering, wondering. It is said that someone cannot do too many things at once and do them all well--I have been wondering where to trim, and how to whittle my activities down to make sure my highest priorities get top attention. So for me, this requires lots of prayer--asking for wisdom and God's plan for my life. It's so easy to get side-tracked. Over this past week, I've been feeling a little burned-out. I think it's partially because of all the emotional stress I've been under. Also, I tend to let the amount of kids I teach or who comes to our Saturday night youth program, get to me--lately our group has really shrunk. So I was sort of losing my spark. Today, with a very small group in class, I was blessed to have two wonderful helpers who stepped in and parti

Recently, I reconnected with a man I haven't seen in years through Facebook, of course! I saw these bright blue eyes staring out at me from his profile picture, a face that looked so familiar, but I couldn't place this person. I noticed my aunt was a mutual friend, and so I accepted his request after examining his wall. Then I quickly hopped onto chat to ask my aunt how I knew this guy. She guessed from school or a concert--but I knew that wasn't the case. After accepting his request, and bombarding my aunt with questions, he came on and started chatting with me. I was a bit embarrassed that I couldn't remember just how I knew him, but he so graciously filled me in on the details and it all flooded back. We were not Christians when we'd stop and chat on the main street sidewalk, in front of the comic book shop where he worked. We didn't know each other well, but I remember him being a pleasant person. We were living our own lives the best we knew how, longing

As you may know, my sister moved to Florida a few months ago. Her husband has an aunt, here in town, that has cancer. She's not doing very well at all. Her husband is having a really tough time with it as well. They do not go to church or have any spiritual support system. My sister tells me that if she doesn't make it, the husband will be completely lost without her because they're inseparable. Of course, my sister and her family are very concerned for them...and also very far away. The Assignment A few weeks ago, she asked if I and our aunt would make casseroles, my sister providing the finances, for the woman and her family--that they could freeze and use as needed. My sister, feeling like she wanted to do something, but feeling helpless, came up with that idea so this family could hopefully see God's love through us as Christians. This week, my aunt and I are going to plan, shop, cook and deliver the food for these people. We'll share as we have an opening an

To Blog or Not to Blog... And that is only the first question. I've had this idea floating around in my mind for awhile. Problem is it doesn't leave. So here I am...finally giving in to it. I am used to writing my thoughts down. It's  sort of a compulsion of mine or maybe just an addiction. Either way, I'm trapped. Usually I write things in a prayer journal for for only One Person to read, so this is definitely different. It feels strange and foreign, but as with anything, if I continue and do it often enough, it'll become more comfortable and maybe even...normal?   A few of my other questions are:  What should I write? What if nobody reads this? What if somebody actually reads this? Will I say something I shouldn't? Will I edit myself out? Why am I so insecure and lastly...does anybody even care? Not really. So I'm going to do it.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I decided to start reading the Bible to the girls each evening. I thought it would be good if I let them pick a topic that we could read about. I asked them what they'd like to hear about and they said--the end of the world. So we went to Mathew 24. Verses 36-39 really stuck out. 36  “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.  37  As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.   38  For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark;   39  and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. We talked about Noah and how life was seemingly normal for everyone besides he and his family. They were consumed with building the ark and preaching about the coming flood. They were watching and waiting for the end whi

I guess the reason I am struggling so much lately, is I just don't know who I am anymore. I found this cute video on YouTube and just wanted to share it and my own thoughts about it. I used to know where I belonged. I used to know what I was supposed to be doing. My life and roles were pretty well-defined. Even in less than perfect circumstances (way less than perfect!) I had some sense of who I was. Like the woman in the video, my life was centered around kids and family. Now I'm feeling rather uprooted. So when I saw this video yesterday, I just thought, well where do I bloom now? I shared it on Facebook and let it go. This morning, I woke up and wrote in my prayer-journal--I pray that You will cause me to bloom where I am planted. Being a single mom with not a lot of money seems to be my lot  in life. How can I bloom right here? Please help me to improve my lot. To have many beautiful flowers bloom and green grass grow right here in my lot. What's your lot?