I Once Was Lost but Now I'm Found (Christy and Johanna, pt.2)

My friend and I would go through many changes over the next several years. We didn't live in the same town, but we managed to see each other. Once she ran away to my house because her mom was "too strict" aka normal! And that was where I left off in the story. We were fourteen, lots of parties going on and hanging out. That was when I ended up pregnant. Yes, at fourteen. I was a baby, but didn't think so. I was tough and cool and people always commented on how mature I was and how much older I looked (now it's just the opposite!!! And I couldn't be happier!!) That's so funny because I look back now and just shake my head because I absolutely knew NOTHING about life! But no one could have told me that. And no one ever tried. No one ever gave me any kind of guidance and I realize now that if you don't have it, you can't give it. I know that was the case with me. The adults in my life were doing their own thing. They just didn't have the advice to give because they were wrapped up in their own addictions.

I was with my daughter's father until I was seventeen and we broke up. He just partied too much and did too many drugs. I was a very miserable person. Very unhappy. Had no idea about what it took to have a relationship. My mother helped with the baby a lot but we did live on our own at sixteen. Shortly after the break-up, I moved back to Christy's town to an apartment. I continued making unwise choices in life and to be honest, a lot of it was because of being pressured. Inside I felt guilt and regret and pain, but was not strong enough to make positive changes in my life.

My friend, Christy was full into the drug scene by now. All her friends did drugs. But I didn't do anything except drink at times. I remember feeling like people would think I was a "narc" because I didn't do drugs. She would tell people she knew and they just couldn't believe it.

Christy in her room.

We thought it would be cool to take pictures at this old cemetery.

Christy holding my daughter, Jenessa, when she was about two years old.

Me and Dave.

The very poor artwork of obsessed fans! I'm in the silver shirt and Christy is in the dark sunglasses, next to her is my aunt Billie and my sister, Lori.  Dave wasn't with us.

While living there, we went to heavy-metal concerts in Sacramento and the bay area together. At one of the concerts, I met my friend Dave. He didn't start out as only a friend. We went out for eight months and since he lived in LA, it was too hard to have a relationship at that distance, so we decided to just be friends. He took us to lots of concerts and we had a lot of fun. Some of my happiest memories were of Christy, Dave, my sister Lori and I. The friendship I experienced with these guys was so strong and close that when I no longer had it, it left a hole in my heart. For years. My friendship with Dave, much later became a symbol of hope that someday, maybe I would find a guy that shared my passion for God, in the same way that Dave had shared my completely obsessive passion for music. 

It wasn't long until I ended up back in my hometown and Christy became my roommate. When I was 18, I was pregnant again. With my sweet son. I had no involvement with the father of my son and it was very hard for me. Here's a link-- Cold November Rain--to that story. The other night, Christy informed me that I just really pulled away from her and my sister during that time and they got a lot closer. Lori wasn't just my little sister to Christy anymore, but had become a very good friend. I must have pulled away because I didn't like to show my pain. When writing "Cold November Rain", a couple of years ago, I forgot Christy had been with Dave and I when I found out I was pregnant and that we had dropped her off before driving for hours.

After that the memories get foggier and I think that was about the time when we really began going our own ways in life. I'm sure we saw each other occasionally over the next couple of years, but I was about 23 or 24 the last time I saw her. At 26 I made the life-altering, heart-altering decision to become a Christian. When we were 30, we met up for one day when she came back to California to visit. We had lots to talk about. And then the really long stretch happened. 10 years! I had no idea where she was. Especially over these past 10 years, though, I really missed her and prayed for her and Dave. Sometimes the nostalgia would hit me so hard, because I hadn't had friends that close since. I have so completely changed over the years, but was so surprised the day she found me and called me at midnight, after she got off work. It was like we were the same kids! She sounded the same...with her wonderful giggle and infectious laughter. We talked all night long about what has happened in our lives and about God. Three years ago, she stopped doing drugs, with God's help and has a relationship with Him now! I was so happy to hear such wonderful and awesome news about my friend. She has a young daughter, an older son and a wonderful man that truly loves her. I am so happy for her! It's quite amazing to have her in my life again. She lives in Washington, but almost every night, on her breaks at work, we chat on Facebook. She's still the awesome friend she always was and I am so thankful for the joy of having her in my life once again!!

When I let her read the previous post about us (Crazy Days and Crazy Nights), she said that for all these years, she wanted me to know it wasn't my fault that she ended up on the "darkside". She thought maybe I felt responsible for that. I knew that we both were vulnerable to falling into the lifestyle we did for many reasons. I figured it probably would have happened anyway, even without my help...but I was touched that she told her boyfriend, that she needed to find me to tell me that one thing. Wonderful friend.

This song is for us...