Cold November Rain
It was the first day of November twenty years ago. A dreary day with clouds and drizzle which eventually gave way to rain. Cold November Rain.
"Please just drive," I said to my friend, Dave, as I wiped away the tears that just kept coming. I felt sad. Not for me so much as for the little life just confirmed by a pregnancy test at the health department. A little life I'd suspected. A little life I loved with all my heart. I knew it would be hard for him to not have a father in his life.
As soon as I got in the truck, I turned on the radio. "November Rain" came on. I looked out the window and cried. Dave drove.
Dave was a good friend. He just kept driving and listening until he had to go back home to L.A. He was a gentle soul really, even though he was a drummer in a heavy-metal band. He was a cat lover if that tells you anything.
This was a very hard time for me emotionally. I felt a terrible sense of guilt. I knew there'd be no involvement with the father. I wished it could have been different, but it was what it was.
I felt very protective over this baby. I loved him fiercely from the moment I knew he existed. With my first daughter, I had a lot of help from my mom. I had her when I was only 15 and I still wanted to go out and do my own thing so she spent a lot of time with her grandma. But it was going to be different with this baby. This baby was going to be all mine.
When I was about 5 months along, I developed a bladder infection. I stayed home for 4 days with a fever of 104. Finally, my mom, who lived two doors down, called the doctor. He told her to get me to his office right away. He tapped on my back and I jumped a little. He sent me to the hospital. Turned out that I had a very severe kidney infection. He told me if I would have waited another twenty minutes, I would have died. I was in septic shock - blood poisoning. They had a hard time breaking the fever and gave me aspirin which finally did the job. I was out after the weekend and he kept me on antibiotics for the rest of the pregnancy. So after that he nick-named me "suicidal." I just didn't realize the seriousness of it all. He was a very cool doctor. He was so caring and had a really great sense of humor. He joked around all the time, which kept my spirits up.
When the baby was born he was so pretty. He looked like a little angel with golden hair. He wouldn't open his eyes. He'd just peek. He didn't cry either. Oh he was so very sweet. I just breathed him in. It was so hard to do this alone. To not have anyone to share it with. As I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed the next day, I broke down into tears. When you have a baby your emotions are all out of whack, anyway, and under the circumstances, it was pretty hard to cope. A kind nurse noticed me as she was walking by. She came in and sat down. She hugged me and said some comforting words. I don't remember what they were, I just remember that she cared. I don't think many people realize just how much the "little" things mean to someone in crisis.
I didn't know who God was, but He knew us. He came through the kindness of a friend willing to drive endlessly, as tears fell like November rain. He came through a mother with enough sense to call the doctor which would save our lives. He came through a doctor that could see a broken heart and did his best to mend it with love and laughter, even if just for a moment. He came through the warm embrace of a compassionate nurse speaking healing to a young girl's soul.
He came to me through the peeking eyes of an angelic, golden-haired baby.
There are times in life that are so dark you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Pain so bitter, you feel you'll never heal from the wounds.
Loneliness so deep, nothing could ever cure it.
But nothing lasts forever... even cold November rain. God spared our lives for a reason. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
"Please just drive," I said to my friend, Dave, as I wiped away the tears that just kept coming. I felt sad. Not for me so much as for the little life just confirmed by a pregnancy test at the health department. A little life I'd suspected. A little life I loved with all my heart. I knew it would be hard for him to not have a father in his life.
As soon as I got in the truck, I turned on the radio. "November Rain" came on. I looked out the window and cried. Dave drove.
Dave was a good friend. He just kept driving and listening until he had to go back home to L.A. He was a gentle soul really, even though he was a drummer in a heavy-metal band. He was a cat lover if that tells you anything.
This was a very hard time for me emotionally. I felt a terrible sense of guilt. I knew there'd be no involvement with the father. I wished it could have been different, but it was what it was.
I felt very protective over this baby. I loved him fiercely from the moment I knew he existed. With my first daughter, I had a lot of help from my mom. I had her when I was only 15 and I still wanted to go out and do my own thing so she spent a lot of time with her grandma. But it was going to be different with this baby. This baby was going to be all mine.
When I was about 5 months along, I developed a bladder infection. I stayed home for 4 days with a fever of 104. Finally, my mom, who lived two doors down, called the doctor. He told her to get me to his office right away. He tapped on my back and I jumped a little. He sent me to the hospital. Turned out that I had a very severe kidney infection. He told me if I would have waited another twenty minutes, I would have died. I was in septic shock - blood poisoning. They had a hard time breaking the fever and gave me aspirin which finally did the job. I was out after the weekend and he kept me on antibiotics for the rest of the pregnancy. So after that he nick-named me "suicidal." I just didn't realize the seriousness of it all. He was a very cool doctor. He was so caring and had a really great sense of humor. He joked around all the time, which kept my spirits up.
When the baby was born he was so pretty. He looked like a little angel with golden hair. He wouldn't open his eyes. He'd just peek. He didn't cry either. Oh he was so very sweet. I just breathed him in. It was so hard to do this alone. To not have anyone to share it with. As I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed the next day, I broke down into tears. When you have a baby your emotions are all out of whack, anyway, and under the circumstances, it was pretty hard to cope. A kind nurse noticed me as she was walking by. She came in and sat down. She hugged me and said some comforting words. I don't remember what they were, I just remember that she cared. I don't think many people realize just how much the "little" things mean to someone in crisis.
I didn't know who God was, but He knew us. He came through the kindness of a friend willing to drive endlessly, as tears fell like November rain. He came through a mother with enough sense to call the doctor which would save our lives. He came through a doctor that could see a broken heart and did his best to mend it with love and laughter, even if just for a moment. He came through the warm embrace of a compassionate nurse speaking healing to a young girl's soul.
He came to me through the peeking eyes of an angelic, golden-haired baby.
There are times in life that are so dark you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Pain so bitter, you feel you'll never heal from the wounds.
Loneliness so deep, nothing could ever cure it.
But nothing lasts forever... even cold November rain. God spared our lives for a reason. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
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