Sitting On the Edge

I've really been praying for God's plan over the past couple of years. I've noticed a change in myself. A lot of what I used to think I had to do or was very important has faded. Not because they're not important or good, they are just not my focus anymore.

Some say, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", thinking that they can truly do every good thing. Since it's good, it is obvious it must be God's plan. I have much experience with this kind of thinking. I have attempted godly things and thought God would help me do it because of that verse. And I have failed a lot.

As an example, I tried homeschooling. Not once, but twice. First with my older kids and then with the younger ones. I thought I needed to save them, since they weren't able to go to a Christian school. It didn't work out either time. Both experiences taught me one BIG lesson... homeschooling was definitely not for me! Or my kids, for that matter. Some people do it and are very successful and it's great for their kids. It wasn't that way for me. Why not? I can do ALL things, right? 

I don't doubt God's word or power one bit. But even with critical things at stake, God deals with us on an individual basis. The Christian life is not one size fits all. In His wisdom He allowed me to try and fail. He allowed me to do the "right" thing. But God is not going to allow me to blindly follow in the footsteps of others; He's going to teach me that His ways are not mine or yours or not even the church's. He's going to teach me to fight and struggle and plead for His plan. Not assume I already know it. Failure is a good way to make this lesson stick. My thinking was that if I could do a, b and c, then I was all good, and we were safe.

 My thinking changed from I can do anything godly for good reasons to I can only do the things God has planned, in his wisdom, to have me do. I can do them with His power, using the gifts and strength He's provided. And if that means putting my kids in public school and making the best of it, it's ok because it's His plan. He has reasons for everything.

You see, I can continue to fight Him and go on the wrong "right" course or I can just learn to simply trust His wisdom and go with Him, experiencing one miracle after another. It's scary to trust God, because He's been so out of the box with me. He does the unexpected. I don't know why, but it seems to be a pattern with us. I think it's His way of teaching me to trust. I look back and can say, "oh... that's why," and it all makes sense. Where people can only judge in their very limited sight, God sees all and has the better way.

The beautiful thing I've learned about God, through all my failures and disappointments, is how in tune He is with every aspect of who we are and how concerned He is with the details of our lives. He has designed a plan that fits who we are perfectly. Sometimes He wants to grow us, and stretch us and let us learn through hard times and struggles. Sometimes He smiles and says, " Keep up the good work- this is what I made you for," and pours on the blessings. No matter what, He loves us.

I can sure tell you I would rather be who I am, who God created me to be, than to try to fit in the box someone else has made. You see, homeschooling consumed me, overwhelmed me and didn't fit who I was, or my circumstances. So it didn't work. Not that it's a bad thing, just not my thing. That is just one example of something I wanted to do that didn't work out. Lately God has been showing me the gifts I do have, showing me the path He's carved out. It's exciting so far. I am, at times, on top of the world, sitting on the edge of my seat in awe and suspense, waiting to see what is next!


It seems when you let go of what you so desperately cling to, God fills your empty hands with what He wants to give you. What would you rather have?

                                          

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9