Carried

-
A couple of years ago, my son was having to go through his lung surgery and I was so stressed and so scared. I felt like I couldn't do much but just be in the moment and it felt like I was sort of being carried along. I felt helpless and so dependent on God. He saw me through it. He carried me every step of the way. I look back and marvel at all the miracles He did for us then. He opened the right doors and provided what we needed. During that time, I got a glimpse of a very powerful and involved God. He cared so much for us.

I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. With my husband leaving, I feel so overwhelmed, kind of like when my son was going through his surgery. So as I sit here feeling the stress, the tension, I am hoping for His will and plan to be worked out in my life, though it's rough.

But I am just standing here. I give up. I give up the fear, the what ifs, the worries. And what I am saying now is...if I sink, I sink. It would be better than continuing to stay where I am. I'm so tired of repeating the same thing over and over. The same pain, the same anger, the same sickening fear. The same old pattern. But in my heart, I don't think God will let me fall. I believe He is holding me up even as I write this. This has been my constant struggle and fear for many years and God has had much to say to me about it.

And so today I am just living in the moment. Trying not to worry. Trusting in God. Because if He is real, (and I know He is) then His promises are as well. And He has promised to help me through this.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2


For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

He has set everything in place to enable this to happen, because it needs to. He has strengthened my faith in Him and developed my trust. Not that I have perfect faith or trust, I don't. I feel very weak and dependent on Him for everything right now. And it's only by His grace and presence and constant guidance that I am to this place. But in a sense, I feel like I'm being carried along.



Comments

  1. CritMay 11, 2012 at 9:53 AM

    He is your father and he wants what's best for you. You wouldn't want your daughter to be stuck in a miserable situation--and neither does he!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pam...May 11, 2012 at 5:58 PM

    And being carried along by Jesus will make it ok.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JohannaMay 11, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    Thank you both. I appreciate your support :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Difference God Makes

-
So about a month and a half ago, I talked about the story in the Bible with the two demon-possessed guys that lived in the tombs, naked and cutting themselves, at prayer-meeting. Jesus cast the demons out and sent them to live in the herd of pigs. After he restored them, one begged Jesus to take him with him. He wanted to be with Jesus and be His disciple. But Jesus said, "No, go back home and tell them what I have done for you." And the man instantly obeyed - no questions asked. Forgive my loose paraphrase. I decided that since we were on the subject of the two demoniacs that night, I would share an experience that I had when I was a teenager, with them. When I was fourteen, I met a guy when we moved to a new town. I was completely into the heavy-metal scene. So when I showed up at school, he noticed me pretty quickly, wearing my black rock shirts and Levi jacket with the patches. Kids like us all gravitated toward each other because we had a common bond. Plus he thought I
Read more

Old Houses

-
Image
I love old houses. I feel really sad to see them like this. To me this house is still beautiful, still majestic. I imagine all the rooms. All the detailed woodwork and moulding inside, the stairway, the high ceilings and old fixtures that are still intact. Like doorknobs, locks and hinges. Probably some of the original glass is still in the windows. At one point someone must have really loved this house.  This is a storybook house. It reminds me of the "The Secret Garden." It's tucked away and hidden. I can imagine myself wandering through the woods and stumbling upon it. Then bringing paint and other things to fix it up. I read a book once when I was a kid about a girl who found a house and did that, but I can't remember the name. When I see a house like this, it makes me think of the little farm family that once lived here. If I try hard enough I can still see kids running through the yard laughing and mama hanging clothes on the line. Simpler times, simpl
Read more

Down By the River

-
Image
One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday afternoon - hanging out at the river. It was a perfect day. We went for a walk on the trail, enjoying the warm sunshine and cool breeze.  The kids chased butterflies and picked wildflowers. I spent some time down by the river just reflecting on God's beautiful nature and writing in my prayer-journal, while they played. So peaceful. My daughter, Sophie, myself and my youngest daughter, Amanda. Our friend, Martin, with Sophie and Amanda Mandie playing in the dirt. Martin can throw pretty far.  Ahh...JOY!!!!
Read more