And My Heart Melts...

Another decision to make. There seems to always be another decision to make. And the problem I am having with that is that I am very...VERY indecisive.

So today's dilemma is about a ministry that I got involved in several years ago. When I was wanting to reach out to people, I heard about a Christian (SDA) prison letter-writing ministry called "Someone Cares Prison Ministry." It was safe because you sent your letter to the ministry and they sent it to the prisoner and they did the same. You could also have a pen-name. They gave you helpful guidelines on how to write to prisoners. So I decided to go ahead and try it. I used to write letters to my cousins and had been writing "letters" to God in a prayer-journal for many years. So I thought...I can do this. I can encourage someone. And I wasn't naive about prisoners. The ministry is also very upfront with the prisoners. Wow, sounds like I'm about to tell you how horrible it was. But I'm not. There's a lot of people concerned about a female writing to males. So there's an element of negative peer pressure to it. But most writers are female (we're more nurturing in general, I suppose) and most prisoners requesting a Christian pen-friend are guys. Well I asked for females, in the beginning, but they match you with your inmate by grabbing the top letter on two stacks of letters and putting them together. The writers and the inmates. I tried it for less than a year and quit. Then a couple of years later I decided to try again.

So I wrote to two for awhile. One was upbeat, positive and looking forward to someday getting out. He was a Christian. He didn't write back that much so we both had a tendency to not write as often as the program suggested. And then there was Josiah. Twenty-four-year-old lifer. Josiah - so free with expressing his emotions. So young when he got convicted of a crime I never once asked about. The ministry tells you not to ask, but to allow them to tell you if they choose to. Don't get me wrong here, just because I would write to a person serving life in prison and the fact that my heart went out to this young guy, doesn't mean I don't believe people shouldn't be punished for their crimes. I do. But I also know what it's like for a 17-year-old to make wrong choices, to be raised in an environment that hardly would give him a chance to be any different than he was. I also understand that God's grace and mercy and love is big enough for us all. ALL of us. So I wrote to Josiah for two years and some of that time I wasn't writing often enough. And right now I haven't written to him for 6 months or so because I was going to quit. But I've never been able to get a letter in the mail. Once I really tried and I couldn't bring myself to do it. There were a few others also, that I had been writing and haven't written in a long time. You can also send their names back to the ministry to be re-matched.

So I have been meaning to write that letter to Josiah. And in my heart, I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. I had my doubts. I care about this young guy. Jesus loves him as much as anyone else.

So today I come home from church. Martin, mine and my girls' friend, dropped my mail in front of me here on the desk. Something from "Someone Cares." I figured it would be a newsletter. I opened it and there was a form I had filled out on a prisoner that I had a year ago from death-row in San Quentin. I sent his name back because he was asking for a lot of stamps and I couldn't afford to send them. I only wrote him a couple of times so no relationship ever really developed. Anyway at the top of the form the director of the program wrote...We do need you. I think of death-row. I think of the man there. I think of the hope I have in Jesus. I think of Matthew 25:31-45


31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’


I think of Josiah. I think of his heart poured out to me with ink on paper. I think of the sorrow, the heart-ache, the hopelessness, the darkness and pain revealed to me through his letters. His bleak future that spans his horizon. I think of the words I wrote to uplift "one of the least of these." Who has nothing to look forward to. I think of  this Josiah who holds a special place in my heart. For so long I've tried to forget. To distance myself from him. To say this isn't my thing to do anymore. Time to move on. I think of Jesus' heart for these guys. I think of my part. What is my part? I think of the simple pen in my hand. A simple tool used to penetrate hard prison walls with the love of God.

And my heart melts...