Scared?

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A nerve-racking week ahead.
Yes, God is stretching me and it is uncomfortable. I'm starting something new at church (with a couple of others). And it's out of my comfort zone. I am in the process and have been for several years, of overcoming the fear of speaking. Okay, I don't feel so bad knowing it's the number one fear out there, so lots of people can relate. And some totally can't (they are lucky!) Fear is a prison. It's not "like" a prison, it IS one. I am so tired of fear ruling my life. Of being paralyzed by it.

God and I have been working on this for awhile. I say, "Okay, God, but please (please, please, PLEASE!!!!) let me take baby-steps." And He has brought me along little by little. Slowly. But there are still things I haven't done and I am still in the process of taking those steps. My word for the New Year was "step". God just brought it to mind when I was praying for a word to describe the upcoming year. And I wondered how it would play out and got a bit scared! I see it's time to risk, to be humiliated - if that's what it takes to overcome. But I know God has so gently led me this far, I believe He knows I'll be ok. Maybe He truly wouldn't ask me to do something I am not able to do.

So this week feels like a BIG step for me. And even as I am writing this, my heart is pounding and I feel so nervous. But I know this is the next step. That's the only reason I have agreed. I also don't see it as un-doable. There still are lots of things I would refuse. So I know this is what I have to do now.

I think God has been preparing me. I recognize that. I recently watched a video someone shared on Facebook about overcoming fear, by Dr. Henry Cloud. He said to acknowledge the fear and do whatever it is your afraid of, anyway. So now I think,"I feel afraid...so what? I am not going to let it rule me - keep me from doing what God wants me to do". I also know that the more you do the thing you're afraid of, the easier it gets (I have experience with that). Soo I am sort of looking at this thing I fear doing as an opportunity to overcome my fears. It will be a weekly obligation, so there's plenty of opportunities to work this out in a "safe" environment. However, I did tell my mom that if this isn't my thing (if I fall on my face), I am reserving the right to quit!! So brave...NOT!!!!!

I know I need to prepare and be ready. That would help. But sometimes I just want to pretend it's not happening! I'm doing it though. Because I know this will prepare me for the next thing and the next and those are the hard things!!

Okay, get a hold of yourself!! I'll be okay :)

By the way, I am a bit superstitious, so I feel like if I came out and told you what I'm doing - it would somehow jinx it. I know that's not true, but I'm silly like that :) What I AM hoping to do is come back and say how silly I was and how I actually survived and that it wasn't so bad. I will update this - so check back.

* TIP: Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it... that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.
Dale Carnegie



UPDATE: It's Friday, March 2nd and there is nothing to fear. It's not all on me. It's a group effort and one of the people I'm with has taken the lead. Back to baby steps! Yes! My hope is that I will use this opportunity to get more comfortable in front of people and seriously, I think it won't even be a problem. Oh and I'll let you know what the ruckus is about...we're starting a new prayer-meeting. Yep, that's all. And I am looking forward to it. Our church definitely needs prayer right now. Tonight's our first meeting.

After the fact update: I'm a chicken and a baby! For no good reason! For one - just a few of us were there and it went really well. I didn't lead out...but shared two stories about God working in my life. It is so relaxed, it's not a problem, but a total blessing!


Comments

  1. CritFebruary 28, 2012 at 12:43 PM

    It's spiritual warfare! God showed me a vision one time. It was of Otis sitting in the Mayberry jail. The key to the cell was right there, all Otis had to do was reach between the bars and get the key and let himself out. God said "you're cowering in the Mayberry jail" You have the key to your release, right within your grasp. Go for it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. JohannaFebruary 28, 2012 at 10:36 PM

    Awesome! Thank you :)

    ReplyDelete

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