Life in His Hand

If I could not hold a pen I would write of you on my heart instead You have bought me with Your blood  And I am painted red by Your love If I could not say a word My life would speak of love I don't deserve Hope means I'm holding onto you Grace means You're holding me too

I'm amazed by some people's ability to just spill everything out on Facebook. Their problems and struggles. I guess I'm even a little envious. I cannot even say some of those kinds of things to a friend. And they tend to get support, maybe that's why they're able to be that open. Well, it's also about one's personality as well. I want to be open. An open book. But that's a real joke! I would love to be that open with at least one person on the earth. Ahh...who could stand it? For one I know it's not safe and for two, I have things I don't want people to know. That's normal, isn't it? There is still a strange desire to just put it out there when I feel like it. Just the way it is...but someone might actually see it! Ha ha. So sitting here is pretty strange, actually, I feel like I'm writing into thin air. This is a new blog and I doubt anyone's reading it. Almost feels like I'm talking to myself sometimes. Before you really kno...

                                   I collect old kitchen utensils and spice cans and I finally have decided that they've sat in the trunk too long. I pulled them out and put them on a shelf. My aunt came by and said, "You want to have your grandmother's kitchen." And I said,"Yes!" And started thinking...  About my grandmas and how I don't remember what they had in their kitchens so much, but I have a few very cherished memories of them that have been packed away far too long. So I thought I'd bring them out and share them with you.                                            We'll start with Clara, my great-grandmother. She lived in a tiny, little house with my great-grandfather in an alley called Willow Way. They had a white-picket fence and the yard was full of cactuses. Their c...

I usually tell people about my prayer-journal while I'm sharing a story with them. I don't think I've inspired anyone, so far, to start keeping one, but here are the main reasons I keep one. To connect with God in a focused way.  When I write in my journal, I am totally able to focus. I can block out other thoughts and noise. I basically write "letters" to God. To keep a record of His faithfulness in answering prayer. I can look back and see how God has answered prayers and how He's brought things together. I can really see His hand clearly working when I look back in my journal. Not to mention, it is a record of my life and I am able to go and look at things I normally would have forgotten. I process life with my pen, journal and God. Writing is very therapeutic. Knowing a loving God is there listening -  is healing.  If you've never tried the whole prayer-journal thing, I want to encourage you to give it a shot. Yes, I know it's not for every...

Yes, it has been awhile since I've felt inspired (motivated) to begin again in the room. Thankfully all that I did before hasn't been undone. My closet is still neat and organized. I was able to gather a lot of stuff to donate to a second-hand store, which I still need to drop off. So today, my goal is to sort through several boxes of junk. And find a place for the stuff or toss it. Basically decluttering. I printed some cool labels, maybe I'll have a chance to use those. I will be back to update this blog and let you know how it went... Until we meet again :) * Good news! Made some progress! And I am actually almost done. Some of these boxes have been toted around, unsorted and undealt with for YEARS. So I am pretty happy to have finally done it. Still have things to do...find prettier storage containers, like baskets and sort through my books. Did I forget to mention my room doubles as a library? I have two tall shelves, overflowing. I'll be back :) ** YAY!! ...

The confusion feels so thick like fog. I long to read a really good book...just jump into it and stay there for awhile. How nice that would be. Just to forget the questions, the fear, the indecision. All the thoughts swirling maddeningly around in my head. How nice it would be to lay dreamily in a window sill, like a napping cat. Not a care in the world. Feeling the warm sun and looking up into the blue sky and all would be safe in the world. In my world. But that is like a fairy tale to me, a daydream.

It's kind of hard being a Christian and finding the balance between being kind and speaking out against something you don't think is right. Normally I tend to want to jump up and say - hey that's not right! Over the past year or two there have been problems with people in church. I have had problems. But now part of me wonders when enough is enough. If I speak up, it most likely won't change the outcome, but will cause an ugly wound to open back up again. I will face attitudes and it will all just keep on going. Last year, I left for a couple of months and went to another church, basically sorting things out and praying for God's will. He answered and I know, without a doubt, that He wants me in this church. I have limited contact with the people I had problems with, so that I will be able to be kind.  And things have really improved. I wonder if I am being "selfish" to just let it be. A part of me simply does not want the drama. A part of me wants to let ...

I know that you may come on here and every time it's different. Poor blog is having an identity crisis. I've had this blog for a few months and have learned what I like and what I don't. Not to mention, I found this cool header. So I hope to hold onto this design. No promises. I'm the same way with my house, I go through things quickly. I hope to be content and just write. Not that I am going to write so eloquently, I'm simply going to write what needs to be written, according to my feelings, my thoughts, what I'm studying or what I'm going through. I started another blog to just write like I would in my journal and I've noticed I haven't written on here as much...so I am wondering if another blog is really necessary. That's another reason I wanted to change the design to reflect what I like more. I think this blog now feels like it could cover both. Ah why must I separate myself out? I want to write about anything I feel like writing about.....

Interest in dreams When I was 17, I had a strong interest in dreams and dream interpretation. I bought a book, which I studied, and learned all about things such as becoming lucid in dreams (being aware you are dreaming or "awake") and how to teach yourself to fly. It also contained the meanings for many common symbols and incidents that occur frequently in dreams.  So I actually taught myself to fly by repeating to myself, as I fell asleep, that I was going to fly (power of suggestion). It was funny, I sort of ran and then flapped my arms like wings. It took a little practice, but eventually I flew. I'm sure this comes naturally for most people. I also was able to wake myself up in my dreams or become "lucid" and control them to a certain extent. Not a good thing to do.  I was into the heavy-metal lifestyle and dreams sort of fit with my interests at that time, which also included astrology.  I remember having a lot of nightmares. Certainly due to the fact tha...

Some days are so amazing. Today was one of those kind. I am on a spiritual high for sure and feeling extremely happy. Had a wonderful time at church. A very nurturing day for me. We had communion, but first had our humility service (foot washing). There were several of us ladies in the small room. Some of the dearest people on the planet were in that little room today. My sister/friend was there, a very good friend of several years, my aunt/friend, and a very special newer friend that is struggling with cancer as well as my sweet sisters from church. It was a beautiful time. After we washed each other's feet, we joined hands and had prayer. I was holding my friend's hand that has cancer and after my sister prayed, I asked that I may say a prayer. And holding hands still, I prayed that God would be very near to my friend as she goes on Monday for another chemo treatment. That this is such a hard time. I prayed that God would be with her, that He would let her feel His presence t...

If you're so stuck in a rut that you can't move, there's a good chance that God will help you out of it. Well, I have been in many a rut, unfortunately, and He has helped me get out of them. Not always when I wanted Him to, but according to His timing...which in my estimation, always seems on the S...L...O...W side. But what I think is slow, is always perfect and right on time. Oh if we could see things through His eyes! Sometimes the waiting can be unbearable....your hands are slipping from the rope, burning. It hurts a lot. But that's where faith comes in. Faith that He will keep His promises. So hold on. Talk to you later :)

                                        Behind the veil lies a place Where worn out dreams, Shattered hopes and all the silver linings, Have fallen to the ground. And the day turns to another  And the moon shines it's light  On the simple, little grave. They speak of a Resurrection Day  But I don't believe -  Where hope breathes again And dreams once again run free. Where not a cloud ever touches the sky, But all is blue that fills the eye. And the day turns to another And the moon still shines it's light  On the tired, little grave. Promises dangle by a thread,  Over a faith that's weak and half-dead. At your feet it will lie, Only by Your breath will it live again.

Happy 2012 everyone! Hope this year is great and full of blessings for you. I didn't make the New Year's resolutions that I usually do. Such as eating healthier, spending more time with God, or being kinder, or being a better...you fill in the blank, etc. Seems those things are always on my mind to improve.  The one thing I did decide to mark as a resolution was - to have  regular family devotions. Even if that only means 5 minutes with a devotional and prayer. That's the one thing I want to do. It's small and just my speed. This is the most important thing I've struggled with and have let go of, pretty much. So I am not placing high expectations on myself - just to do it. So last night we started a devotional. It was about making God first in your life and we enjoyed it. My kids are great, including my niece, Heather, who is like one of my own. They're at the age where they like to discuss what we're reading, so we had a good time talking about what it...

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I don't know how I'm gonna tell you, I can't play with you no more, I don't know how I'm gonna do what mama told me, My friend, the boy next door. I can't believe what people saying, You're gonna let your hair hang down, I'm satisfied to sit here working all day long, You're in the darker side of town. And when I'm ou...