Life in His Hand

Things are changing fast. God dropped another job into my lap--which I really love. My daughter goes with me and I get to spend every day with her. Kids grow up so fast! She'll be a teenager soon and you know what that means. My daughter, Savannah, is in a boarding academy about 3 1/2 hours from where I live. Our church is gung ho on having the kids in Christian Schools and have made it possible for kids whose families can't afford it, through various ways, to be able to go. My local church family have also committed themselves to helping Savannah. I pay what I can, which isn't a lot and I am so thankful for all the help. So there are only 3 of us home now...the incredibly shrinking household!! Hard to believe now there were seven of us! My girl will be here for visits and the summer. And of course I'd like to add one more member..instead of always decreasing ;) But he's nowhere to be found..YET! I do have my eye on someone...but it's just a thought. A sneakin...

Being a follower of Jesus does not mean that your life suddenly turns into a rose garden. It does not mean you have no problems. They are thinking about closing my church down. It does not matter that we are a living, breathing community of believers who meet together in our small town to worship God and strengthen each other. It does not matter that by being here we are keeping a light burning in our community for people of like beliefs which cannot be found in any other church in our small town. It does not matter that we are bonded to one another. No it does not matter. What does apparently matter is the size of our bank account. We don't have much money. It does not matter that we share a pastor with the church in the next community which has means and in all actuality we are not costing the conference anything more. No it doesn't matter. We simply do not generate enough money in tithes. We do not matter... But we matter to God. And we matter to each other and the peopl...

Watched my Sophie graduate last night, all sparkly! I thank God every time one of my kids graduate. I think of the chaos in my own young life and have to just praise the Lord that He found me and we're doing things differently. I have stopped the pattern that could have continued from one generation to the next. I fully believe that God just had such an enormous impact on the future of my kids' lives by changing my life so dramatically. I didn't do well in school because I had too many problems. I was bright but I didn't fit in and my life was just not designed to enable me to succeed in school. I am so proud of Sophie!!!!

So I have dreaded this birthday for a decade now. But this birthday has turned out to be the best birthday ever! On Saturday I got this in the mail...with no note attached! I had randomly mentioned about a week before, on Facebook, that maybe I needed a gnome with a red hat. I guessed it must have been my sister and niece (in Florida) that sent it and I was right! It was such a fun surprise! I posted a pic on Facebook and my niece said-Oh baby, Aunt Hanna got a man for her b-day!! Haha! Just what I wanted! Lol!! On Sunday, I was out shopping and came home to this: A surprise party!! I have never had one before. My older daughter showed up and put it together with the kids. So sweet and thoughtful. One very bright cake! They all gave me all of my favorite things. So much thought was put in. So when my birthday rolled around this morning I was content and figured it had already been celebrated for the most part. And then my daughter, Savannah, gave me this...

I had heard of the book--One Thousand Gifts, but didn't pay attention. Then one day, I picked it up in the Christian book store and started reading it. Suddenly, I realized how much I needed to read it. It also made me want to be a farmer's wife(the author is)..lol. Of course you don't need to marry a farmer to have the mindset described in the book. Tonight, I found this video and it just brings tears to my eyes. It's so beautiful and I resonate with it so much, I thought I'd share it with you :) My birthday is coming up and this is what I want...I think I let that slip out to a couple of people..my kids :) Enjoy!

I thought this was beautiful and wanted to share. When I see things like this it makes me wish I could do more for kids. It also makes me so thankful that God has adopted me. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children. Romans 8:14-16 

For those of you that don't know, this year has been a doozy for me. I went through a divorce and all the transitions and changes have been very difficult. I am really learning to trust God. EVERYTHING is different. There is not one aspect of my life that hasn't changed or hasn't been affected in some way, even things that are foundational to me, like church, haven't been left untouched by this. But there has been a lot of growth on my part. This has been good for me, although it didn't/doesn't always feel so wonderful. Divorce is hard. I knew I needed out of the marriage. The emotional trauma that this divorce caused was just tremendous.  And so the pain and all the emotional stuff I went through, actually surprised me a little. I didn't think it would be so bad. Slowly, things have gotten better. I am learning to stand on my own two feet-still feeling a bit wobbly. On the flip-side, the benefits of this life-changing event are wonderful. I am no lo...

Blessings come in small packages this year. I am just really grateful for the little things. Just hearing my kids laughing and carrying on, smelling cookies baking in the oven, looking at our cluttered tree--decorated with lots of sentimental ornaments the kids have made over the years. Our tree is fake and only about 4 feet tall. It's on a decorator table in the corner. Usually, we would have a big tree but our house is just too small for one now. The amount of ornaments on our tree is more than enough for a tree twice it's size..yep, cluttered. Cluttered with sweet memories from the past. Spent last Sunday with my dad. It was our annual Christmas get-together and we always have pizza and root-beer floats. All my kids and grandkids were there. It was nice visiting with my dad. I don't see him often enough. The kids always have a great time. He cracked me up this year. He brought us all into his extra room and on two long tables he had lots of Christmas stuff laying o...

I have a simple, little house, but it contains everything and everyone I love the most. I walk in the door and see pictures hanging on the wall that speak to me. I feel the warmth and smell apple cinnamon candles, see my books at home on their shelves and I am wrapped in colors that I love. I see my kids' clutter strewn all over the floor...backpacks, shoes, you name it and it isn't long before I'm handing out the chores. Home sweet home. I can especially appreciate it now. I know how fleeting it is. One day these guys, too, will grow up and leave me like my older two did. And boy it sure didn't take too long for that to happen. So I need to cherish every day, every moment we have together. I am thankful to have the kids brighten my daily life. What a privilege. Some places remind me of just how fortunate I really am. People who are elderly, alone, they're homes aren't kept up the way they used to be. Their kids and families are gone and one by one they...

I have been getting ready for Thanksgiving this week. Okay, so the idea of decorating for Christmas, early, kinda fell by the wayside. Suddenly, I got really excited about Thanksgiving! I'm not having a huge crowd, just about eight of us. I decided that since it was a smallish group, I would set the table. So I started pulling out table cloths and napkins and candle holders. Then I realized I have NO pretty glasses! So I set out to find some at a second-hand store (which I did!). I watched a cool video about decorating your table with things you already have around your house. Was inspired. Here it is... As I waited around for my daughter to get out of school today, I checked out a second-hand store that was nearby and found eight really nice plates that were like new. I could have used what I already had, but these were really cheap and pretty. For a centerpiece, I am using pretty red Asian Pears and leaves. Tomorrow, I will hunt for branches with beautiful red and gold...

God does amazing things! Brings situations full circle. Last November, I wrote a story on here about my son. It was the 20-year anniversary of a painful time in my life and I just felt compelled to write about it. I was 18 and pregnant. Here it is... THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2011 Cold November Rain It was the first day of November twenty years ago. A dreary day with clouds and drizzle which eventually gave way to rain. Cold November Rain. "Please just drive," I said to my friend, Dave, as I wiped away the tears that just kept coming. What have I done? Why did I let this happen? Didn't I ever learn? I felt so guilty. And sad. Not for me so much as for the little life just confirmed by a pregnancy test at the health department. A little life I'd suspected. A little life I loved with all my heart. Another little life I would raise...alone. As soon as I got in the truck, I turned on the radio. "November Rain" came on. I looked out the window...

I am soo sentimental about things! I save old letters and cards and little mementos. I even have a hard time...well actually...I don't delete emails from friends. I have a friend that I email back and forth a lot. This friend deletes my emails (I'm so offended!!!!!). I save his, thinking...what if something were to happen to this person, I'd want to go back and  read them. Is that weird? Oh well. I am as sentimental as they come. I saved a lot of my kids' baby stuff and things I wrote when I was a kid. I have some of my grandmother's things and even my pink Barbie dress. I'm sure the list could go on and on and on... Okay, so we have an old picnic table out in our yard. It no longer can be moved--it's so rickety. It will literally fall to pieces if we try to move it. I mentioned getting rid of it and my youngest daughter Amanda, was like no mom, we have so many memories with that table. All the birthday parties and bar-b-ques. She said it more than once. A...

A new phenomenon that has been occuring, this summer, is that my mom comes over and we sit out in my yard and talk until it gets pretty late. This has been a wonderful therapy for me. For her, too. We get a chance to go over our problems and actually laugh a lot. It's been really nice. She's fairly recently divorced, as well, and so we find a lot of interesting things to talk about. It's nice to have someone handy to vent to, run ideas by or just ask advice from. Lately, we've been seeing lots of shooting stars while sitting in my yard. So lots of wishes have been made. At least by me. Maybe my wishes are half-wish and half-prayer. Either way, I always hope they come true! Luckily, God doesn't always give us what we pray for. Thankfully, every wish wished upon a shooting star is not granted. I'm so glad God's in charge and that He gives us what we really need and not just every whim our hearts imagine. I have experienced much of His discretion in my...

Had one kind of a day! Woke up bright and early for a Sunday...a little too bright and early. As I cleaned my room, I had a fight with a grey spider the size of my palm! I screamed...then he jumped at me! I bolted for the door to get the broom. When I got back I let out a super-loud yell and brought the broom smack down on him, squashing him dead with everything that was in me! I'm a loud, and vicious murderer when it comes to spiders...or crunchy sounding bugs!! I went to hang out with my grown daughter, Jenessa. Ended up at Wal-mart, of course!! We were looking around and I saw some books hanging up. I asked her, "What are those?" I didn't know if they were address books or what. "Journals." "Yournals?" I asked in my poorest play Spanish, where I turn everything  starting with "J's" into "Y's"...not "H's"..."Y's" I'm terribly goofy like that! She starts cracking up. "Uri...

So today I've decided to start rebuilding my life. Things are way different now and will contnue to be. I have felt so insecure, like the foundation has been pulled out from under me. Shaky, you know. But I know God is the true foundation and He's still here. This morning, when I woke up, I prayed that God would give me structure and stability. That He would give me strength... But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 And I spent time in His word. Then studied the Sabbath school lesson, even though I don't attend the class because I teach the kids. Wrote in my prayer-journal and then decided to write down my goals for all the different areas in my life. It has been so long since I've had the emotional energy to really even set any goals. Most of that energy had been consumed by fear, worry, sadness. Lately I've been so emoti...

Today, I think of my sister as they are driving across the country, carrying all their earthly belongings with them.  I can't imagine the amount of work that it took them to get rid of ALL their stuff! They had a lot! Lots of old cars, too. But here they are now, driving with everything they own, tucked neatly away in the bed of the truck or the motorhome. My sister was so happy when all her most important things fit perfectly in the compartments and cabinets in the motorhome. I think of her family photos, stowed away in a box. I think of her other mementos and sentimental things, riding along to be carefully unpacked in a new life. These things are not there by accident, but were chosen, taking up privileged space that was reserved for the cherished. cher·ish (ch r sh) tr.v. cher·ished , cher·ish·ing , cher·ish·es 1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear 2. To keep fondly in mind I think of this word--cherish. How beautiful a...

Do you ever ask God "Why"? I do. Sometimes He may give us the reason things happen. But it seems that most of the time, we just have to trust. One of my favorite Bible verses that is a comfort when bad or confusing things happen is Romans 8:28, which says:   And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. This verse is a nice reminder that although there is trouble in life, God can and does use even the bad things to somehow bring blessings to us. That all the trials aren't in vain. Trials grow us. They can bring us closer to Jesus. They can cause us to value what's important in life and cause us to get our priorities straight. When you are going through something really difficult, frivolous things tend to fall away. Today, my sister and her family are moving to Florida. I'm in California. This isn't what I would have chosen to happen. But God sees the bigger picture and kn...

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Kahlil Gibran My sister and her family are moving away--all the way to Florida! In just a little over a week, we'll all be saying our good-byes. I thought a while back that it wouldn't be so tough, but the closer it gets to the time, the more I know it's going to be a really hard thing to do. Why do people always have to say good-bye? Almost seems like that's what life is all about. Nothing stays the same. Today someone may be in your life and tomorrow they're gone. I know there are ways to keep in touch, but it's just not the same. So many people have walked into my life, some of them staying quite awhile, while others, staying just for a brief visit. And many leave. I hold their memory close and think of them often. Some I will not see until eternity and others, I pray to one day find. Old friends, childhood friends I've somehow lost track of. I wonder about these. ...

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday afternoon - hanging out at the river. It was a perfect day. We went for a walk on the trail, enjoying the warm sunshine and cool breeze.  The kids chased butterflies and picked wildflowers. I spent some time down by the river just reflecting on God's beautiful nature and writing in my prayer-journal, while they played. So peaceful. My daughter, Sophie, myself and my youngest daughter, Amanda. Our friend, Martin, with Sophie and Amanda Mandie playing in the dirt. Martin can throw pretty far.  Ahh...JOY!!!!

In the Wizard of Oz, the Tin Man wanted a heart, the Cowardly Lion wanted courage, the Scarecrow wanted a brain and Dorothy just wanted to go home. Been thinking. About what   I really want. One thing I wish I had was fearlessness. To not be hounded and chased by fear. To be able to think of something and not have fear get in the way. To be able to do whatever comes along, peacefully. But it seems wishing doesn't work for this one. No - facing the fear head on and doing what you fear, sometimes repeatedly, is the only way to overcome. And that is hard and so scary. Another thing I wish I had was more trust and faith in God. I have a BIG God and He has promised to care for me. So why do I fret so much? Why do I worry? I also would like to have the ability to do more for the people that are hurting and struggling. To do more to reach out to the very poor, the homeless, the widows and orphans, the abused, lonely, unloved and forgotten. I wish I could do more. One last thing...I would ...