Life in His Hand

Things are changing fast. God dropped another job into my lap--which I really love. My daughter goes with me and I get to spend every day with her. Kids grow up so fast! She'll be a teenager soon and you know what that means. My daughter, Savannah, is in a boarding academy about 3 1/2 hours from where I live. Our church is gung ho on having the kids in Christian Schools and have made it possible for kids whose families can't afford it, through various ways, to be able to go. My local church family have also committed themselves to helping Savannah. I pay what I can, which isn't a lot and I am so thankful for all the help. So there are only 3 of us home now...the incredibly shrinking household!! Hard to believe now there were seven of us! My girl will be here for visits and the summer. And of course I'd like to add one more member..instead of always decreasing ;) But he's nowhere to be found..YET! I do have my eye on someone...but it's just a thought. A sneakin...

Watched my Sophie graduate last night, all sparkly! I thank God every time one of my kids graduate. I think of the chaos in my own young life and have to just praise the Lord that He found me and we're doing things differently. I have stopped the pattern that could have continued from one generation to the next. I fully believe that God just had such an enormous impact on the future of my kids' lives by changing my life so dramatically. I didn't do well in school because I had too many problems. I was bright but I didn't fit in and my life was just not designed to enable me to succeed in school. I am so proud of Sophie!!!!

It is a strange feeling to be 40, feeling soo young and have a 24 year old daughter! I am proud of her. She is starting her job at a hospital tomorrow in the cancer center as a medical assistant. She has been going to school for several years getting her prerequisites out of the way so she can take the nursing program. But there's a long waiting list. A couple years ago she decided to take the year off and take the MA course. It's a good thing because now she has a way to provide for her kids and get some experience in a medical setting while she waits to take the nurse's training. She posted a pic of her work badge on Facebook and I looked at it and just thought about her when she was first born as her dad held her next to me on the delivery table...I remember those wide-open eyes and that little Jenessa face. Coming out of a 17 year long bad relationship (not her father) and looking at what I have accomplished or the lack of what I have accomplished, I have wondered if ...

My new project is... learning to be content. Lately, I have been so down. Mainly, because I had to face the fact that someone I thought cared, really just didn't. Not in the true sense. And with that, comes all the mulling over and the regrets and asking myself why I allowed this to happen when I knew better. For the last couple days, it's just been yuck.  Instead of holding onto all the regrets I have, I am going to just learn from my mistakes and start focusing on something more worthwhile like--POPPIES!! Today, I saw the poppies blooming for the first time this year! I'm a wildflower lover and the fields are beginning to come alive. The birds are singing. The sky is blue. The sun is shining. I want my heart to reflect that. I need to just let it all go and realize, fully, that today is a new day. I am alive and free and it's wonderful!

In the last few days, Christmas has been happening in my heart. Not the tree, ornaments, and stressed out Christmas, but the beautiful amazing and totally wild story of Christmas. It all started when I was driving home a few days ago. I caught myself or should I say, my daughter caught me singing (real quietly) a Christmas carol. "Mom, are you singing a Christmas song?" She asked incredulously. I had to admit I was. As I continued driving and zoning out in my own little world, I noticed I was absentmindedly singing many different ones. I've had a lot on my mind lately :) The next day, I ended up babysitting my grandkids. When I got to my oldest daughter's house, she had just put on the movie she had bought for us-one for her and one for me. It was The Nativity Story--which I had not seen before. I told her to back it up and I watched it. I thought it was beautiful. It gave me such a feeling of awe and reverence for God all over again. God is so awesome! If...

On New Year's Eve morning I was volunteering at my church's community services, when an acquaintance I knew from several years back, decided to share with us his one resolution for the New Year. He said it was something "Oprah's friend" had said. It was that 'people should believe people when they FIRST tell them who they are.' I thought that was profound. How many years did I spend in denial? How many years did I spend trying to change someone who simply was who he was? He was not someone I needed to have in my life, but I kept clinging to the hope that MY dream could somehow be salvaged. I wanted to be married and have a happy family. I didn't want to be a divorced, single mother. So for a long time, I chose to overlook things I shouldn't have. I chose to think that there was a chance that things could get better, all the while knowing deep down inside-that they wouldn't. I chose to spend my energies trying to force someone to fit into MY ...

Lately I've been feeling a little scattered--like the leaves of fall. So many thoughts fluttering in all different directions. Wondering where I belong. Wondering what I should be doing. Wondering , wondering, wondering. It is said that someone cannot do too many things at once and do them all well--I have been wondering where to trim, and how to whittle my activities down to make sure my highest priorities get top attention. So for me, this requires lots of prayer--asking for wisdom and God's plan for my life. It's so easy to get side-tracked. Over this past week, I've been feeling a little burned-out. I think it's partially because of all the emotional stress I've been under. Also, I tend to let the amount of kids I teach or who comes to our Saturday night youth program, get to me--lately our group has really shrunk. So I was sort of losing my spark. Today, with a very small group in class, I was blessed to have two wonderful helpers who stepped in and parti...

Stumbled upon a young guy's blog today and found inspiration. He listed the day as Monday. Said he didn't even think he'd been outside for two days... Then said something about not having much to write about. I commented that I liked his blog. It was short, simple and to the point. His real voice. I didn't say that. Then I went back a little further to realize this guy was a singer-making music all night, so that explained why he hadn't been outside for two days. Oops. I also realized that he had a Tumblr he uses more and likes to post pics. I commented again, letting him know I hadn't gone back far enough to see he did have stuff to say. Nevertheless, I liked his blog when he didn't have much to say. So what inspired me? His real voice. Who he was came through. Just earlier today, I was thinking about how I just really don't have a lot of stuff to write about. How people probably wouldn't want to hear about my daily happenings. They...

Today, I think of my sister as they are driving across the country, carrying all their earthly belongings with them.  I can't imagine the amount of work that it took them to get rid of ALL their stuff! They had a lot! Lots of old cars, too. But here they are now, driving with everything they own, tucked neatly away in the bed of the truck or the motorhome. My sister was so happy when all her most important things fit perfectly in the compartments and cabinets in the motorhome. I think of her family photos, stowed away in a box. I think of her other mementos and sentimental things, riding along to be carefully unpacked in a new life. These things are not there by accident, but were chosen, taking up privileged space that was reserved for the cherished. cher·ish (ch r sh) tr.v. cher·ished , cher·ish·ing , cher·ish·es 1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear 2. To keep fondly in mind I think of this word--cherish. How beautiful a...

So about a month and a half ago, I talked about the story in the Bible with the two demon-possessed guys that lived in the tombs, naked and cutting themselves, at prayer-meeting. Jesus cast the demons out and sent them to live in the herd of pigs. After he restored them, one begged Jesus to take him with him. He wanted to be with Jesus and be His disciple. But Jesus said, "No, go back home and tell them what I have done for you." And the man instantly obeyed - no questions asked. Forgive my loose paraphrase. I decided that since we were on the subject of the two demoniacs that night, I would share an experience that I had when I was a teenager, with them. When I was fourteen, I met a guy when we moved to a new town. I was completely into the heavy-metal scene. So when I showed up at school, he noticed me pretty quickly, wearing my black rock shirts and Levi jacket with the patches. Kids like us all gravitated toward each other because we had a common bond. Plus he thought I...

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday afternoon - hanging out at the river. It was a perfect day. We went for a walk on the trail, enjoying the warm sunshine and cool breeze.  The kids chased butterflies and picked wildflowers. I spent some time down by the river just reflecting on God's beautiful nature and writing in my prayer-journal, while they played. So peaceful. My daughter, Sophie, myself and my youngest daughter, Amanda. Our friend, Martin, with Sophie and Amanda Mandie playing in the dirt. Martin can throw pretty far.  Ahh...JOY!!!!

In the Wizard of Oz, the Tin Man wanted a heart, the Cowardly Lion wanted courage, the Scarecrow wanted a brain and Dorothy just wanted to go home. Been thinking. About what   I really want. One thing I wish I had was fearlessness. To not be hounded and chased by fear. To be able to think of something and not have fear get in the way. To be able to do whatever comes along, peacefully. But it seems wishing doesn't work for this one. No - facing the fear head on and doing what you fear, sometimes repeatedly, is the only way to overcome. And that is hard and so scary. Another thing I wish I had was more trust and faith in God. I have a BIG God and He has promised to care for me. So why do I fret so much? Why do I worry? I also would like to have the ability to do more for the people that are hurting and struggling. To do more to reach out to the very poor, the homeless, the widows and orphans, the abused, lonely, unloved and forgotten. I wish I could do more. One last thing...I would ...

Easter Plans Busy morning planned. Lots of eggs to boil and color and plastic ones to fill with candy and money. And of course, we will have to clean the house!!! And make food. On Saturday nights I like to stay up late...so I'll suffer for it in the morning! What started out as a small family thing, with just us and the grandbabies, grew into a bigger thing, with a few more people. And because of that, I have to make sure the house is actually clean. I am not complaining, company always makes it feel like a party. We're planning an Easter egg hunt and a vegetarian, for the most part, barbeque. My flowers are blooming nicely and are so colorful and pretty - perfect for Easter! My porch got cleaned off and the grass is long enough. Oh and the weather will be cooperating. Yay!                                                           ...

This morning as I was thinking about waking my kids up, I thought about just how unique they are. What got me thinking along those lines was my daughter, Savannah. She gets to sleep in a little longer than the other two. Regular High School just didn't fit her very well and so now, as I've mentioned before, she is in a charter school that is an independent study program where she attends a few classes a week at the campus. And this is working out really well so far. Savannah is on the quieter side (most of the time). She is somewhat an introvert and has always been a homebody type, content with reading a good book. She is also artistic. She was my sweetest child when she was small. She has always been very studious and organized in her schoolwork. That is why this type of school arrangement can work for her. I have five kids and they all are so different. My oldest daughter, Jenessa was always so driven in school. She's not afraid to do anything, it seems. She's on...

In a few days we'll be heading down to Sacramento (about two hours away) for 'The Rock and Worship Roadshow' . The kids are PRETTY EXCITED !!! The band I most want to see is Tenth Ave North. One of their songs, in particular, really ministered to me this past year - Times - I'll post a video of it on here. I am so glad to go and sing along with them. Of course there is Mercy Me headlining. They're always good. Saw them a couple of years ago and several years before that. At the last 'Rock and Worship Roadshow' we went to, two years ago with Mercy Me and my favorite - David Crowder Band, my son's lung collapsed during Mercy Me (we were separated at the concert) and we spent the night in the hospital. I wrote some about that in -  "God Was Here" . He ended up having to have three surgeries (one a week later and two over the next year or so)!! So I am hoping this time to have a little less excitement for sure! You know the scary thing is i...

Several weeks ago I wrote about my daughter's issues with school. Tomorrow we will meet with her new teacher and her classes will be set-up and she will be given the materials she needs. This is mainly an independent study program, but she will more than likely go to class a couple times a week. Some of her classes are online also. They're mixing it up a little and that's good. She wants to do this so I'm hopeful. There are some volunteering opportunities for her. One of them is being my assistant in our Sabbath-School class. She will also be able to help out at our Community Services Center. I think these things will be good for her. She also has to keep a log for P.E. everyday, so I told her I wanted to do it with her. We'll see :) I really do need the exercise though. So our lives are changing a lot with this new arrangement. Earlier this week, she had her Bible promise book that I had given her and she said, "Here's one of my favorite promises.....

A nerve-racking week ahead. Yes, God is stretching me and it is uncomfortable . I'm starting something new at church (with a couple of others). And it's out of my comfort zone. I am in the process and have been for several years, of overcoming the fear of speaking. Okay, I don't feel so bad knowing it's the number one fear out there, so lots of people can relate. And some totally can't (they are lucky!) Fear is a prison. It's not "like" a prison, it IS one. I am so tired of fear ruling my life. Of being paralyzed by it. God and I have been working on this for awhile. I say, "Okay, God, but please (please, please, PLEASE!!!!) let me take baby-steps." And He has brought me along little by little. Slowly. But there are still things I haven't done and I am still in the process of taking those steps. My word for the New Year was "step" . God just brought it to mind when I was praying for a word to describe the upcoming year. A...

My daughter and I stumbled upon an estate sale on our way to go shopping in a nearby town this morning. There wasn't a whole lot there to look at. I did find an old apron I thought was cute. It sort of hit me weird while I was there. I started thinking about all the things laying out on the tables, and piled on blankets on the ground. This was someone's life on display and for sale. Her furniture. Her clothes. Her dishes. Her trinkets. Even her Shirley Temple videos, which I bought a couple of  those because I am a fan. I thought of the lady and how she was probably pretty young when she first watched Shirley Temple movies. These videos must have held some significance for her, taking her back to another time in her life. Most yard sales are just that - sales. People have them to get rid of stuff they don't want or need anymore and sometimes they are held because the people may need money more than they need their things. But this was different. These were the belongings...

I was experimenting with having two blogs for a few months now. I had a hard time determining what should go where. So if you're familiar with Unfolding Hope - I imported all the posts to this blog and am going to do it all here. Write what I feel and other things as they come up. I was feeling too bi-polar with two blogs. All my positive was on Life in His Hand and my more negative/me trying to deal with my issues stuff was going on the other one, so when I figured out how to join them together - so easy - I decided to do that. I have also decided to write like I was on the other blog here. For me, there will be no rules. If I want/need to whine/vent or whatever this will be the place. So in a few posts I talk about two blogs, instead of going back and fixing them all, I am just going to leave them the way they are. It's actually kind of cool to see my posts from the other blog on here. I'm feeling pretty good about this new arrangement which lends itself to more variety...

Growing a new baby blog can be confusing. I decided to take on another blog because I wanted one that I could use like I would a journal and yet because there are people possibly reading it, it does change the way it will be written. I am struggling to just pour out my life here and encourage people at the same time. Does it encourage others when they read about your struggles and challenges? I know I have felt encouraged by reading someone's story. The blending of the two is what gets me...do you ever think that maybe I think too much? I do! I was recently inspired by a fellow blogger. She is trying to blog everyday! Wow!! I don't know if I would even attempt to attempt that! Maybe I should. I'm really tempted to try that. At least three times a week. So I am going to learn as I go and maybe it'll all turn out alright!