Life in His Hand

My friend and I would go through many changes over the next several years. We didn't live in the same town, but we managed to see each other. Once she ran away to my house because her mom was "too strict" aka normal! And that was where I left off in the story. We were fourteen, lots of parties going on and hanging out. That was when I ended up pregnant. Yes, at fourteen. I was a baby, but didn't think so. I was tough and cool and people always commented on how mature I was and how much older I looked (now it's just the opposite!!! And I couldn't be happier!!) That's so funny because I look back now and just shake my head because I absolutely knew NOTHING about life! But no one could have told me that. And no one ever tried. No one ever gave me any kind of guidance and I realize now that if you don't have it, you can't give it. I know that was the case with me. The adults in my life were doing their own thing. They just didn't have the advice to...

About a month ago, I mentioned that my best friend found me on Facebook. Since I got on Facebook a few years ago, I have been looking for her. And even before that-online. She shares one with her boyfriend (that I didn't know), so when I got the request in his name and checked it out, I was surprised to see her picture..and thrilled! I have been praying for a long time for this. So let's go back in time... I was nine years old and she was about six months older. My dad lived in the same apartments where she and her mom and brother lived. My mom ended up moving there, too, for awhile, with us. Not sure of all the timing of these things. We became fast friends. I remember her dancing to Mr. Roboto out in the parking lot. Doing some weird dance that I thought was kinda strange. We also danced to Thriller from Michael Jackson..oh boy! them 80's! We played 4 and 5 hour games of Monopoly, sitting out on the sidewalk in front of the apartments, in which my older brother wo...

So many people come and go. I am simply amazed that I have managed to stay somewhat connected with two young inmates for almost four years. The letters are infrequent and I practically quit before each letter I write, but usually what happens is I receive one. So today I got a letter from Josiah. Unfortunately, much time has passed since I've heard from him and he actually had surgery on his foot. I seriously wish I could turn this into a ministry by just putting more effort into it. Writing more often. Trying to offer whatever encouragement I can. I'm not here to judge, I don't even know what they are in for, but Jesus says to visit those in prison. So I do this for Him... but I need to take it off the back-burner. Maybe I am the only positive influence they have. Hope not, but prison's a pretty dreary place. I also have had family in jail and prison and so I know some of them just have made mistakes. Maybe God has given them into my hands... if that's true, I am...

I have been getting ready for Thanksgiving this week. Okay, so the idea of decorating for Christmas, early, kinda fell by the wayside. Suddenly, I got really excited about Thanksgiving! I'm not having a huge crowd, just about eight of us. I decided that since it was a smallish group, I would set the table. So I started pulling out table cloths and napkins and candle holders. Then I realized I have NO pretty glasses! So I set out to find some at a second-hand store (which I did!). I watched a cool video about decorating your table with things you already have around your house. Was inspired. Here it is... As I waited around for my daughter to get out of school today, I checked out a second-hand store that was nearby and found eight really nice plates that were like new. I could have used what I already had, but these were really cheap and pretty. For a centerpiece, I am using pretty red Asian Pears and leaves. Tomorrow, I will hunt for branches with beautiful red and gold...

Recently, I reconnected with a man I haven't seen in years through Facebook, of course! I saw these bright blue eyes staring out at me from his profile picture, a face that looked so familiar, but I couldn't place this person. I noticed my aunt was a mutual friend, and so I accepted his request after examining his wall. Then I quickly hopped onto chat to ask my aunt how I knew this guy. She guessed from school or a concert--but I knew that wasn't the case. After accepting his request, and bombarding my aunt with questions, he came on and started chatting with me. I was a bit embarrassed that I couldn't remember just how I knew him, but he so graciously filled me in on the details and it all flooded back. We were not Christians when we'd stop and chat on the main street sidewalk, in front of the comic book shop where he worked. We didn't know each other well, but I remember him being a pleasant person. We were living our own lives the best we knew how, longing ...

I received a letter from an inmate named David. We had only written to each other a couple of times...before I sort of flaked. I think I probably did write the last letter, about a year ago or so. A few months back, when I decided to write to all the inmates asking whether they wanted to start writing again, I sent a letter to David. And about a month later the letter was returned to me. I figured he must have been moved to another prison. So as you can imagine I was quite surprised to see that letter come in the mail a couple of weeks ago. And for a moment  (a senior moment!), I thought he was answering the letter I had sent him, and then I remembered that he never received it. So I was really happy to hear from him. He explained he had been busy trying to get things together for when he gets out in 18 months. But truth be told, I should have been making an effort to write to him and wasn't. I told him he had great timing and about the returned letter. Some ...

Adjusting to my new life has been interesting. Things are definitely different. The atmosphere changed dramatically around here. I still feel a lot of stress and am having to try HARD to trust in God, but I know that I am doing this according to His will and plan for my life. He has been with me this far. I know I can count on Him to continue being with me. There are some things I am putting off doing that I know I need to do. I feel better about them now that I read an article which gives you permission to do just that. Deal with things when you're ready. So I will. I've surprised myself that I haven't let the lawn die and that I didn't, when I was mowing the back "field" this morning. Somehow the garbage can actually makes it out to the road before garbage day, too, which sort of amazes me. I've been working on organizing things around the house and it seems easier to keep clean. It feels more like "home" now. My kids have been spe...

Today, I think of my sister as they are driving across the country, carrying all their earthly belongings with them.  I can't imagine the amount of work that it took them to get rid of ALL their stuff! They had a lot! Lots of old cars, too. But here they are now, driving with everything they own, tucked neatly away in the bed of the truck or the motorhome. My sister was so happy when all her most important things fit perfectly in the compartments and cabinets in the motorhome. I think of her family photos, stowed away in a box. I think of her other mementos and sentimental things, riding along to be carefully unpacked in a new life. These things are not there by accident, but were chosen, taking up privileged space that was reserved for the cherished. cher·ish (ch r sh) tr.v. cher·ished , cher·ish·ing , cher·ish·es 1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear 2. To keep fondly in mind I think of this word--cherish. How beautiful a...

I would just like to take a minute and say thank you to two very special and encouraging people-my blog buddies, Christa and Pam.  Thank you for supporting me during this difficult time...for reading my blog and for giving me so much encouragement as I say what I need to say. Your comments are always so caring and thoughtful. I truly appreciate you and I'd also like to add a thank you to everyone else that reads and/or comments.  Check out their awesome blogs! Christa's is Crit Chat and Pam's is Life as Pam . You're sure to be blessed!

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Kahlil Gibran My sister and her family are moving away--all the way to Florida! In just a little over a week, we'll all be saying our good-byes. I thought a while back that it wouldn't be so tough, but the closer it gets to the time, the more I know it's going to be a really hard thing to do. Why do people always have to say good-bye? Almost seems like that's what life is all about. Nothing stays the same. Today someone may be in your life and tomorrow they're gone. I know there are ways to keep in touch, but it's just not the same. So many people have walked into my life, some of them staying quite awhile, while others, staying just for a brief visit. And many leave. I hold their memory close and think of them often. Some I will not see until eternity and others, I pray to one day find. Old friends, childhood friends I've somehow lost track of. I wonder about these. ...

I have had a pretty bad week. Very emotional for me. Problems with the kids and all the rest. Hormones have crept in so everything is just beneath the surface and so easily escapes. I am feeling pretty weepy. Even at church, I struggled to keep my composure when a friend asked what was going on. Luckily I felt pretty safe and so it was really nice to talk about it to someone that showed compassion. Not that I don't have others that care. But every way that someone cares matters so much to me right now. I truly appreciate the ways people are showing God's love to me. I can actually say that I have been depressed this week. I pray it passes quickly. Some good friends from out of town, Jim and Margie, were ministering in one of our churches nearby. They had wanted to attend my daughter and neice's baptisms last week, but were unable to because they had a previous engagement. So since they were in the area, they wanted to meet at a mutual friend's place to give th...

In a fairly recent post, And My Heart Melts... , I wrote of my involvement with a Christian prison letter-writing ministry. Click here- Someone Cares - to find out how you can write and encourage people. The program is safe as you and they use the ministry's address and you can use a pen-name. I certainly know that this isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it is an easy way to make a difference in someone's life, so I think it's worth my sharing the info just in case you may have an interest. I sent out 5 "fishing" letters to see if any of my abandoned prisoners still wanted to write. Jack, from deathrow, which I had tried to get rematched well over a year ago (they never rematched him, but sent his info back to me, with a note that they needed me), Bobby, and Bucky all wrote back saying that yes, they wanted to write again, Bobby wondering why I stopped writing. One letter came back, undelivered. And the one I had hoped for, Josiah, didn't come. I didn...

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday afternoon - hanging out at the river. It was a perfect day. We went for a walk on the trail, enjoying the warm sunshine and cool breeze.  The kids chased butterflies and picked wildflowers. I spent some time down by the river just reflecting on God's beautiful nature and writing in my prayer-journal, while they played. So peaceful. My daughter, Sophie, myself and my youngest daughter, Amanda. Our friend, Martin, with Sophie and Amanda Mandie playing in the dirt. Martin can throw pretty far.  Ahh...JOY!!!!

Sometimes I go out on a dark and windy night. I see the moon's light and the shadow of the leaves and hear their rustling. I look at the stars and wonder. I feel so out of place. I am filled with longings that just hover over my soul. Not even able to name them. It's just a deep and mysterious ache for the ones I miss. The ones I long to see. The ones that are lost to me. It's a feeling that comes over me, sadness and yearning for what is missing, mixed with hope and wondering. I think of yesterday and I want to hold onto it. I keep pieces and treasure them and fit them together with hopes of what may someday be. There were people in my life that were so special and I don't know where they are. This song is the first song I have ever heard that matches the deep longings I have to someday find them. I heard it for the first time tonight and it goes out to those I've loved and can't be with. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you're missing someone - a close frie...

Found a most unlikely friend! Sweet buffalo mama!

I am so thankful for my small group. There were many years that I was pretty lonely in church, in life too. I remember praying for friends. Just one good friend. Guess I had been spoiled in my earlier years with close friends, but they were no longer in my life. I knew that I was missing out. Most of it was because I was somewhat isolated and didn't have a lot of outlets to make friends. I also wanted deeper relationships than the ones I was having with people in my small church. Seemed like I always wanted to talk on a deeper level or about spiritual things and it just didn't happen. Years before, we had started a small group bible study and it was nice. But that ended after awhile. So for the next several years I had wished we could do that again. It was something that I wondered and prayed about for a long time. I was sort of afraid of doing it. Finally I asked a couple of people if they wanted to get together once a week and they did. There were three of us for over a yea...

Another decision to make. There seems to always be another decision to make. And the problem I am having with that is that I am very...VERY indecisive. So today's dilemma is about a ministry that I got involved in several years ago. When I was wanting to reach out to people, I heard about a Christian (SDA) prison letter-writing ministry called "Someone Cares Prison Ministry." It was safe because you sent your letter to the ministry and they sent it to the prisoner and they did the same. You could also have a pen-name. They gave you helpful guidelines on how to write to prisoners. So I decided to go ahead and try it. I used to write letters to my cousins and had been writing "letters" to God in a prayer-journal for many years. So I thought...I can do this. I can encourage someone. And I wasn't naive about prisoners. The ministry is also very upfront with the prisoners. Wow, sounds like I'm about to tell you how horrible it was. But I'm not. There...

What really matters in life are the people you love. The family and friends that are a part of your life. Some have made it possible for you to even be on this earth and some have found something in you that they like and decided to keep you around. Today my grandfather fell through a barn roof and broke his back and has some other injuries. He is 84 years old. If you are reading this, please pray for him. A few years back, he was in a car accident and broke his neck. My poor grandpa, having these horrible accidents at his age. I will be spending my holiday in prayer for him and his wife Fay. Sometimes life just throws things at you that make you sit up and take notice and realize just what really matters in this world. May we all appreciate the special people in our lives this Christmas.