Life in His Hand

My friend and I would go through many changes over the next several years. We didn't live in the same town, but we managed to see each other. Once she ran away to my house because her mom was "too strict" aka normal! And that was where I left off in the story. We were fourteen, lots of parties going on and hanging out. That was when I ended up pregnant. Yes, at fourteen. I was a baby, but didn't think so. I was tough and cool and people always commented on how mature I was and how much older I looked (now it's just the opposite!!! And I couldn't be happier!!) That's so funny because I look back now and just shake my head because I absolutely knew NOTHING about life! But no one could have told me that. And no one ever tried. No one ever gave me any kind of guidance and I realize now that if you don't have it, you can't give it. I know that was the case with me. The adults in my life were doing their own thing. They just didn't have the advice to...

God does amazing things! Brings situations full circle. Last November, I wrote a story on here about my son. It was the 20-year anniversary of a painful time in my life and I just felt compelled to write about it. I was 18 and pregnant. Here it is... THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2011 Cold November Rain It was the first day of November twenty years ago. A dreary day with clouds and drizzle which eventually gave way to rain. Cold November Rain. "Please just drive," I said to my friend, Dave, as I wiped away the tears that just kept coming. What have I done? Why did I let this happen? Didn't I ever learn? I felt so guilty. And sad. Not for me so much as for the little life just confirmed by a pregnancy test at the health department. A little life I'd suspected. A little life I loved with all my heart. Another little life I would raise...alone. As soon as I got in the truck, I turned on the radio. "November Rain" came on. I looked out the window...

Today, I think of my sister as they are driving across the country, carrying all their earthly belongings with them.  I can't imagine the amount of work that it took them to get rid of ALL their stuff! They had a lot! Lots of old cars, too. But here they are now, driving with everything they own, tucked neatly away in the bed of the truck or the motorhome. My sister was so happy when all her most important things fit perfectly in the compartments and cabinets in the motorhome. I think of her family photos, stowed away in a box. I think of her other mementos and sentimental things, riding along to be carefully unpacked in a new life. These things are not there by accident, but were chosen, taking up privileged space that was reserved for the cherished. cher·ish (ch r sh) tr.v. cher·ished , cher·ish·ing , cher·ish·es 1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear 2. To keep fondly in mind I think of this word--cherish. How beautiful a...

Sometimes I go out on a dark and windy night. I see the moon's light and the shadow of the leaves and hear their rustling. I look at the stars and wonder. I feel so out of place. I am filled with longings that just hover over my soul. Not even able to name them. It's just a deep and mysterious ache for the ones I miss. The ones I long to see. The ones that are lost to me. It's a feeling that comes over me, sadness and yearning for what is missing, mixed with hope and wondering. I think of yesterday and I want to hold onto it. I keep pieces and treasure them and fit them together with hopes of what may someday be. There were people in my life that were so special and I don't know where they are. This song is the first song I have ever heard that matches the deep longings I have to someday find them. I heard it for the first time tonight and it goes out to those I've loved and can't be with. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you're missing someone - a close frie...

Easter Plans Busy morning planned. Lots of eggs to boil and color and plastic ones to fill with candy and money. And of course, we will have to clean the house!!! And make food. On Saturday nights I like to stay up late...so I'll suffer for it in the morning! What started out as a small family thing, with just us and the grandbabies, grew into a bigger thing, with a few more people. And because of that, I have to make sure the house is actually clean. I am not complaining, company always makes it feel like a party. We're planning an Easter egg hunt and a vegetarian, for the most part, barbeque. My flowers are blooming nicely and are so colorful and pretty - perfect for Easter! My porch got cleaned off and the grass is long enough. Oh and the weather will be cooperating. Yay!                                                           ...

Yesterday haunting, transporting So known A part of me Forever gone Memories trapped in time Enveloped in song Opening, spilling out Airing, parading, breathing Heart trembling, reaching Almost touching - a mirage Fragile fabric turns to dust Shadows falling All is lost

                                   I collect old kitchen utensils and spice cans and I finally have decided that they've sat in the trunk too long. I pulled them out and put them on a shelf. My aunt came by and said, "You want to have your grandmother's kitchen." And I said,"Yes!" And started thinking...  About my grandmas and how I don't remember what they had in their kitchens so much, but I have a few very cherished memories of them that have been packed away far too long. So I thought I'd bring them out and share them with you.                                            We'll start with Clara, my great-grandmother. She lived in a tiny, little house with my great-grandfather in an alley called Willow Way. They had a white-picket fence and the yard was full of cactuses. Their c...

This song takes me to a simpler time. A time of friendship and discovery. Just to know someone for the sheer pleasure of knowing them. Without analyzing and all the what ifs. Of feeling free to really understand someone else. Takes me back to friends I used to have. Friends I'd spend endless hours talking to, dreaming and listening to music with, which glued our hearts together. It brings me to sadness at the thought of no longer having that. But always having to guard and measure my words. It brings me to hope. That possibly, by some good fortune, I will recapture a bit of that someday. And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,  But all that lives is born to die. And so I say to you  that nothing really matters, And all you do is stand and cry~Led Zeppelin