Life in His Hand

My friend and I would go through many changes over the next several years. We didn't live in the same town, but we managed to see each other. Once she ran away to my house because her mom was "too strict" aka normal! And that was where I left off in the story. We were fourteen, lots of parties going on and hanging out. That was when I ended up pregnant. Yes, at fourteen. I was a baby, but didn't think so. I was tough and cool and people always commented on how mature I was and how much older I looked (now it's just the opposite!!! And I couldn't be happier!!) That's so funny because I look back now and just shake my head because I absolutely knew NOTHING about life! But no one could have told me that. And no one ever tried. No one ever gave me any kind of guidance and I realize now that if you don't have it, you can't give it. I know that was the case with me. The adults in my life were doing their own thing. They just didn't have the advice to...

Years ago, I listened to music that could take me to other worlds. In my mind, I'd envision all the lyrics were to me. I'd imagine that there would be such a connection between myself and another person, that we'd connect psychically - read each other's minds. That's how close I wanted to be with another person. A very young, idealistic, hopeless romantic. So this was a pretty tall order and left me open for a lot of disappointment, the first one called - reality. No one could live up to my hopes and expectations. Until I met Him.  He was mysterious. I knew of Him, had heard of Him, but what I envisioned Him to be like was so different than what He turned out to be. He would send people to me with invitations to His house, but I didn't want to associate with the people that went there. I wasn't like them. I didn't fit in. I didn't know they were sent at His request. I tried to forget about Him because I was afraid. I knew He was pretty power...

I'd like to share a little bit about me and God. I wasn't raised in a Christian home, but I was taken to church from time to time. Being extremely shy, I was always uncomfortable going to the class they offered for my age and I would just rather stay in Cradle Roll with the babies. Years later when I would finally make a commitment to God, that's where I ended up - back in Cradle Roll, with the babies. God knows exactly where we need to be and why. My memories of church, as a child, include kneeling for prayer on dark, chocolate brown carpet, hearing the church folk softly and reverently sing "Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow" (The Doxology) after the prayer, sitting on velvety soft green pews drawing many happy pictures with suns, trees, grass and flowers on tithe envelopes, looking at "Our Little Friend" papers, gazing in awe at the beautiful, arched, wooden ceiling, and the second best thing next to "Praise God From Whom All Blessing...

Today my brother told me that he saw someone we used to know. Shawn. I was 13 when I moved to Shawn's neighborhood. He was different than I was. He and the kids in his group dressed in cool clothes- 501, pegged Levi's, high tops, and black rock shirts(sometimes shredded) the guys had long hair and some wore eye liner. And lots of silver necklaces, crosses, rings. They also wore Levi jackets with band patches on the back. They didn't care what anybody thought. I was sort of like that too. I remember the first time I went to Shawn's house in the alley around the corner from where I lived. I followed him into his room which he shared with his brother and that was where I was first introduced to heavy metal. He had old Ozzy, Black Sabbath, and Metallica records. I remember their eerie covers and thought, in a way, that they were cool. I typically listened to pop music- Prince, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna- whatever was popular on the radio. I was so ready to embrace this new, d...