Life in His Hand

Things are changing fast. God dropped another job into my lap--which I really love. My daughter goes with me and I get to spend every day with her. Kids grow up so fast! She'll be a teenager soon and you know what that means. My daughter, Savannah, is in a boarding academy about 3 1/2 hours from where I live. Our church is gung ho on having the kids in Christian Schools and have made it possible for kids whose families can't afford it, through various ways, to be able to go. My local church family have also committed themselves to helping Savannah. I pay what I can, which isn't a lot and I am so thankful for all the help. So there are only 3 of us home now...the incredibly shrinking household!! Hard to believe now there were seven of us! My girl will be here for visits and the summer. And of course I'd like to add one more member..instead of always decreasing ;) But he's nowhere to be found..YET! I do have my eye on someone...but it's just a thought. A sneakin...

So we're driving down Highway 101 and seeing the Redwoods all around us. We're heading to the ocean near Ferndale, "The Victorian Village" and I say to the kids..how is it that we have no money but are spending a week in the Redwoods at Camp Meeting? God gave us a vacation that began as a weekend and developed into a week. I only had enough to stay for the weekend, but my mom surprised us by showing up. I woke up Sunday morning in the cool mountains and whispered,"Oh God I don't wanna go home today." I proceeded to hurry to the last couple of meetings I would be privileged to attend, not wanting to waste any of the time left, only to return to a surprise announcement that we would be able to stay for four more days!! I juggled my schedule around a little back home and thanked God for the way He worked things out.. I had no intention of going to Camp Meeting this year. I had so many reasons why we couldn't go..but at the last minute decided to step ou...

Being a follower of Jesus does not mean that your life suddenly turns into a rose garden. It does not mean you have no problems. They are thinking about closing my church down. It does not matter that we are a living, breathing community of believers who meet together in our small town to worship God and strengthen each other. It does not matter that by being here we are keeping a light burning in our community for people of like beliefs which cannot be found in any other church in our small town. It does not matter that we are bonded to one another. No it does not matter. What does apparently matter is the size of our bank account. We don't have much money. It does not matter that we share a pastor with the church in the next community which has means and in all actuality we are not costing the conference anything more. No it doesn't matter. We simply do not generate enough money in tithes. We do not matter... But we matter to God. And we matter to each other and the peopl...

As I look at the clutter around me, I just want to have it disappear, but it's pretty stubborn. It sticks around and grows. Lately, I have given a lot of thought to further simplifying my life and surroundings. Not only attacking the clutter in my home, but the clutter in my heart and mind as well. The clutter taking up my emotions and motivations, helping me forget my true priorities and robbing me of the space I need to give to what really matters in my life. I want to have less. Less dishes. Less books. Less papers. Less clothes. Less useless and unused junk. Less worries about what others think. Less concern over other people's expectations. Less need to be someone other than who I am. This will carve out the space needed for who God intends me to be. God has given me what I can carry. He has assigned my place here and has given me this lot. I have managed to allow the junk to clutter up what He intends to be small and manageable until it feels overwhelming. So today, I...

Feeling so much regret for past mistakes... God whispers, "I have plans for you." Thinking back over the recent past, just a few minutes ago, I was overcome with the sickening feeling of all-consuming regret. I knew better! I sold myself short. I disappointed God. Not once, not twice but repeatedly. But God didn't turn on me. He tried so many times to get through, but I was weak and then confused. I prayed and He heard. He didn't leave, He kept trying to pull me out. Seems God has to keep repeating Himself to me. He is patient. Thank You, God, for the way You love. For the way You pull us out of the miry clay we cannot free ourselves from.

My friend and I would go through many changes over the next several years. We didn't live in the same town, but we managed to see each other. Once she ran away to my house because her mom was "too strict" aka normal! And that was where I left off in the story. We were fourteen, lots of parties going on and hanging out. That was when I ended up pregnant. Yes, at fourteen. I was a baby, but didn't think so. I was tough and cool and people always commented on how mature I was and how much older I looked (now it's just the opposite!!! And I couldn't be happier!!) That's so funny because I look back now and just shake my head because I absolutely knew NOTHING about life! But no one could have told me that. And no one ever tried. No one ever gave me any kind of guidance and I realize now that if you don't have it, you can't give it. I know that was the case with me. The adults in my life were doing their own thing. They just didn't have the advice to...

When you belong to a small country church, you can sometimes wonder if you really have a purpose there. The larger churches seem to have so much going on--so many people--so much to offer. When you compare the little things you're doing, it can make you wonder if it matters at all. That seemed to be the theme that I was seeing in our small church today. My aunt Julie was mentioning how she had been wondering if she even belonged teaching children, since all the little ones had left. But she realized that she was needed when one small child showed up today. I loaned her a couple of my older kids to keep the little girl company. My mother helped the girl's mother feel comfortable and got acquainted with her. This lady was actually a second-cousin of my mother's that she had never met before and had recently connected with on Facebook. She was looking for a church to go to and said that the other churches in town didn't seem like a good fit. This lady's looking ...

Stepping out of the old and into the new can be and has been stressful. I guess I'm at the "and" part between old and new. Maybe even in the "d" of "and". Trying to get my courage up to live a different and new life. Trying to think of the possibilities instead of the doubts. To trust instead of fear. Because I know, without a doubt, that God does have a plan. God has brought me through many hard times. I believe He will bring me into many good things and that the landscape of my life will look vastly different. Psalm 107:1-43   1-3  Oh, thank  God —he’s so good!      His love never runs out. All of you set free by  God , tell the world!      Tell how he freed you from oppression, Then rounded you up from all over the place,      from the four winds, from the seven seas. 4-9  Some of you wandered for years in the desert,      looking but not finding a good place to ...

So I have dreaded this birthday for a decade now. But this birthday has turned out to be the best birthday ever! On Saturday I got this in the mail...with no note attached! I had randomly mentioned about a week before, on Facebook, that maybe I needed a gnome with a red hat. I guessed it must have been my sister and niece (in Florida) that sent it and I was right! It was such a fun surprise! I posted a pic on Facebook and my niece said-Oh baby, Aunt Hanna got a man for her b-day!! Haha! Just what I wanted! Lol!! On Sunday, I was out shopping and came home to this: A surprise party!! I have never had one before. My older daughter showed up and put it together with the kids. So sweet and thoughtful. One very bright cake! They all gave me all of my favorite things. So much thought was put in. So when my birthday rolled around this morning I was content and figured it had already been celebrated for the most part. And then my daughter, Savannah, gave me this...

In the last few days, Christmas has been happening in my heart. Not the tree, ornaments, and stressed out Christmas, but the beautiful amazing and totally wild story of Christmas. It all started when I was driving home a few days ago. I caught myself or should I say, my daughter caught me singing (real quietly) a Christmas carol. "Mom, are you singing a Christmas song?" She asked incredulously. I had to admit I was. As I continued driving and zoning out in my own little world, I noticed I was absentmindedly singing many different ones. I've had a lot on my mind lately :) The next day, I ended up babysitting my grandkids. When I got to my oldest daughter's house, she had just put on the movie she had bought for us-one for her and one for me. It was The Nativity Story--which I had not seen before. I told her to back it up and I watched it. I thought it was beautiful. It gave me such a feeling of awe and reverence for God all over again. God is so awesome! If...

I had heard of the book--One Thousand Gifts, but didn't pay attention. Then one day, I picked it up in the Christian book store and started reading it. Suddenly, I realized how much I needed to read it. It also made me want to be a farmer's wife(the author is)..lol. Of course you don't need to marry a farmer to have the mindset described in the book. Tonight, I found this video and it just brings tears to my eyes. It's so beautiful and I resonate with it so much, I thought I'd share it with you :) My birthday is coming up and this is what I want...I think I let that slip out to a couple of people..my kids :) Enjoy!

I was reading back through my blog, during the time of my divorce over the summer. That was such a hard time for me. I was touched by the support I received on here at that time. I am here now with a lot of time in between then and now. I have learned that God can be trusted. That He sends you what you need--when you need it. Life was the same for me for so many years, all this change has been tough. I'm looking out over my life and saying, "Well now what do I do?" I know God has a plan and will guide me through the confusion I sometimes feel--all at the right time. Someday, I will look back on what's happening today and see how God's hand was leading me through this into the next phase. Little by little a more complete and stable picture will emerge. Until then, I am praying and trusting God. And I know we can trust Him to get us through the difficulties that come up. That even though we're not perfect, that we can tend to mess up things, He can still g...

And so... yesterday, the relationship I was in, ended. Things just were not going to work out. Too many differences. Unfortunately, you get attached and that can make it hard. The previous day, I had picked up a little book that you can send through the mail. It sort of had all the little themes that reminded me of us. It was a child's book-written from mother to child, but I thought it so perfectly fit, that I was going to give it as a Valentine's gift. It's called, "If Kisses Were Colors." It has lines in it which say things like-if kisses were colors, you'd see every one of the bands of the rainbow that shines in the sun...and...if kisses were blankets, you'd always be warm, wrapped up from the cold during winter's worst storm...If kisses were snowflakes, your world would be light, sparkling with crystals of silver and white... And so... I picked up the sweet, little book and wondered, what will I do with it now? Take it back? Send it to the g...

God came to my class today. We did our usual things. We prayed, we sang, we read the Bible and talked about it. The point of the lesson was God's lavish love. He pours His love on us when we least deserve it.  Yes, it was enough that He created us. That shows He loves us. He loves us so much, in fact, that He gave His Son to redeem us--to buy us back. That shows us how much He loves us--how far He would go to get us back.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8  We don't deserve that.  But if all that wasn't enough--He involves Himself, personally, with us. He is willing to guide, to protect, to love, to listen.  And here is where it gets very interesting to me. Down here on my level. In my little life. Here I am with ALL my faults, ALL my imperfections, ALL my fears and ALL my sins. And I mess up and I mess up and I MESS UP! So does He cut me off? Does He say,"Forget you!! ...

God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him.  Ellen White - Ministry of Healing Instead of asking, "Why?" I need to trust that He has my best interest at heart. I need to simply give Him my doubts and fears and let Him guide me through this life. That is what He's promised to do. I will lead  the blind  by ways they have not known,   along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light  before them  and make the rough places smooth.  These are the things I will do;   I will not forsake  them. Isaiah 42:16 Someday, it will all make sense.  I believe God has many lessons for me to learn along the way. The mistakes I make, which just bring pain, can even be used for my good and the good of others. Nothing is wasted - nothing is in vain. I thank You,...

Our lives may seem a tangle; but as we commit ourselves to the wise Master Worker, He will bring out the pattern of life and character that will be to His own glory. Ellen White - Desire of Ages p.331 God is working behind the scenes. Even though it doesn't always make sense to us, we can trust Him. It's amazing to watch God weaving things together. This week at church, a man showed up that we didn't know. A young lady who used to come to our church and her husband also happened to come for a visit. I noticed them saying "hi" to the unknown man. So I figured that he was their friend, as sometimes, when they visit, a friend or two will also come. A little later, at lunch, I was informed that the young lady knew this man because our previous pastor's wife had informed her, at some point, that he was a pedophile and also the young lady had run across him at another church. He managed to position himself directly across from the only family with kids in the ...

Words are powerful. You can use them to build people up or tear them down. For many years, I listened as someone tore me down, bit by bit - using words. At the same time, I had God building me up with His words. The negative words still hurt - still affected me, but did not destroy my self-worth. I believed what God said about me and that helped me to hold onto who I was, even in the midst of trials. I knew that being in such an environment was not what God wanted for me. I had to learn to trust Him enough to let go and follow His plan for my life. Which hasn't been easy. Earlier today, I had a talk with a good friend. This friend amazes me with his ability to use his words to encourage, to uplift, to simply understand. When I am critical or hard on myself--he sticks up for me; defends me. Hey wait a minute, maybe this is why you did that or of course you're going to feel such and such a way--look what you've been through. When I am down, he lifts me up, he prays fo...

I thought this was beautiful and wanted to share. When I see things like this it makes me wish I could do more for kids. It also makes me so thankful that God has adopted me. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children. Romans 8:14-16 

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.   Emily Dickinson This is for all of us who need hope. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Psalm 34:18   The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Lamentations 3:22-24   The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!"  Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Psalm 10:17   LORD, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them...

Happy New Year! I am wondering what you'd like to accomplish this year. I know one of the major things I want to do is really declutter my house and get more organized. I want a house I can keep clean easily which means everything needs a home. Well, in a small house with too much stuff, that means...something's gotta go! I actually started the process last week. I rearranged my tiny living room, which I didn't think was possible, and found that the new arrangement "forced" me to get rid of a bookshelf and table and the room looks a lot neater. I just need to work on the "entryway"--if you can call it that :) It's just a space behind the front door. The horrible problem I am having is my bedroom! Things are a mess and this is where the cutting will really need to happen as well as the need for creativity. All of my things (even Christmas stuff) are basically stored in my small room, so this will be a challenge for me, but worth doing because whe...