Life in His Hand

I saw a lady today with the most deformed face I have ever seen. So deformed that I had to look away. I thought of how horrible it must be for her to go out in public. She was with a group of people and other than her face, she seemed completely normal. The feeling that hit me was one of shame. Shame that I neglect to really appreciate what I have and maybe even more important--what I do not have. It could just be so much worse. How can I hurt? Complain? Want? after seeing what some people have to deal with? But I am me. I do have the struggles that I have. And I am not a robot without emotion--though sometimes I almost wish I were. Almost. After I left the memory of the deformed woman back at the gas station where I saw her, I also forgot the words I said to myself there--I should never complain. The fact is is that I DO appreciate what I have. I appreciate my life, who I am, who God is and how He is involved in my life, and that we are all healthy, etc. I appreciate that our life i...

With God, every emotion seems to be felt more deeply. Love is stronger, passion is fiercer, regret stings more bitterly, joy-more exultant, peace is a smooth, calm surface, pain is a dark, hollow place. And for all these and through all these, there is One Friend who is always nearby. Always watching, laughing, crying, looking in sympathy, wiping away tears. There is One who knows every need and realizes every intent of your heart. One who knows the truth of you. One who stands by to pick up the pieces and say, "It's not over yet." And as I go through times of joy and pain in this life, He walks with me. And as I plead for guidance and agonize over a situation, He comes and talks with me. The God of heaven stoops so low to speak to me-the thought of that floors me. How blessed I am. How truly blessed we are.

God came to my class today. We did our usual things. We prayed, we sang, we read the Bible and talked about it. The point of the lesson was God's lavish love. He pours His love on us when we least deserve it.  Yes, it was enough that He created us. That shows He loves us. He loves us so much, in fact, that He gave His Son to redeem us--to buy us back. That shows us how much He loves us--how far He would go to get us back.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8  We don't deserve that.  But if all that wasn't enough--He involves Himself, personally, with us. He is willing to guide, to protect, to love, to listen.  And here is where it gets very interesting to me. Down here on my level. In my little life. Here I am with ALL my faults, ALL my imperfections, ALL my fears and ALL my sins. And I mess up and I mess up and I MESS UP! So does He cut me off? Does He say,"Forget you!! ...

On Wednesday, my study group was over. We typically read the Bible,  read a section from a book called, 'Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing' and pray. Sometimes, I share a story. Yesterday, I shared one called, 'Unanswered Letters'. It was about a man who had lost one arm, the use of his legs and on his "good" hand, he only had one finger and his thumb. He was discouraged, because he couldn't really do anything anymore, but wanted to do something to help other people. He started thinking about writing  letters to people who were shut-in like himself. He thought of writing to prisoners. His mind was still brilliant; he had a lot to share. He contacted a Christian ministry and began painstakingly writing letters twice a week. Only thing was-he wouldn't receive any responses since it was against the rules of the prison. He put everything he had, his whole heart into writing. He eventually became discouraged as it was so physically challenging for him. Fi...

It has been almost eight months since this year began. And what a crazy, WONDERFUL year it has been!!! So many things have changed! My life has changed! As the New Year was approaching, I decided to pray for a word that would describe it somehow; to give me an idea of what God had in store for me. The year before, I prayed for a word and I was impressed with "trust". And wow! Did a lot of amazing things happen that showed just Who was truly in charge and just how BIG He was! One of the major things that happened, last year, was for us to move into our current house which has enabled me to do what God had planned for me to do this year. Everything builds. I'll tell you the story of my little, blue house some other time. So I began praying and right away, the word "step" came into my mind. And it persisted. I said, "Oh no, Lord! I hope this doesn't mean what I think it does." Step out of the boat, Peter! Time to get out of your comfort-zone. The y...

I'll be glad when all of this is over and far, far into the past! The ex is threatening not to let the girls go to church on HIS weekend. Before we finished the divorce, while we were "agreeing" on stuff, I told him I didn't have a problem with him having the girls every other weekend, but they still had to go to church. He totally agreed to that. But now he's making threats and going back on his word. Yes, this is the only thing he has to use to hurt me with and I told him it's the girls he's hurting. Then he threw out there that He might take them to church in a different town. That's doubtful. When I first became a Christian, Savannah was only a year and a half, Sophie was five months and Mandie wasn't even born yet. Since I began taking them, they've rarely missed a day in church. Mandie was in church since conception. She came out singing hymns! Since we belong to a small church, I have had the privilege of spending years teaching my own...

How big is your God? How small is your box you keep Him in? One thing that bothers me is when people limit God. They try to make Him fit their ideas instead of realizing that He can act in unusual ways. The Bible is full of examples of freak and weird things God has done. Like Jonah being swallowed by a fish, or lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt. How about Balaam's talking donkey? God does not always fit into a neat little package tied with a bow. I haven't shared, with many, some of the highly unconventional ways God has worked in my life. Some of the promises He's made to me would cause others to raise an eyebrow. God sees the whole big picture and acts accordingly--whether or not it fits into someone's preconceived ideas and rules of what God "can" do or say. Four years ago, I went to Campmeeting, seeking God with all my heart. I was struggling so much under the burden of my miserable marriage. I spent much time in pray...

I often look at normal people with their normal lives doing normal things that normal people do. And I wonder--do they realize what they have? They go along calmly living. They cook special things, talk about their kids, love their families, go about their lives working, playing, resting. They seem so quiet, settled and happy. Perfectly content. Perfectly placid. I compare myself with them and am amazed by the shocking, overwhelming contrast. My whole life has been anything but normal, anything but placid. My life is one of extremes. Extreme sorrows; extreme joys. Always lots of noise...sometimes good, sometimes not so good. Today, a kind, retired pastor was our visiting speaker at church. He is the epitome of a good Adventist. Soft-spoken, kind, spiritual, went to all the right schools, married a wonderful, sweet Adventist wife. He is living the Adventist American dream. And I wondered as he spoke of his 51 years of a happy marriage and shared stories of his calling int...

It's funny how things can look a certain way, especially if it's something you want, then you realize something's just not right and after praying for the truth of the situation and God's will, you realize how far from the truth you actually were. Seems this is the story of my life lately. Looks can be deceiving. Supposed signs can be false. Putting two and two together with your own slant, can allow you to totally deceive yourself. I have been in situations lately that seemed right, only to keep praying and have the truth brought to me. So glad that as long as I hold onto God, He is helping me navigate through the murky waters of confusion and pulling me back to the shore. It would be nice if I didn't jump in so wholeheartedly in the first place! Maybe I need to be more cautious when standing on the bank. Keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

All it took was one week out until he has hooked up with an old girlfriend. They are making plans to meet. Yep, it's all over Facebook for all to see. As much as I know that our relationship needed to be over and I am glad it is, this is still hard to see. It still hurts a lot. I know that really he is doing me a favor by doing this, because it frees me to remarry someday--according to biblical standards, but it still hurts. To be so quickly forgotten and replaced. I knew he didn't care, this just proves it. I was waiting for this to happen. Looking for it, actually, but didn't expect it to be so soon. My friend said...give a man enough rope and he'll hang himself. So right now I am in a really hard place. I knew this friend request was sitting unaccepted for over a year. I believe he knew all along that when he accepted it, this would happen. I wonder just how long this was in his mind. Please pray for me. This has just made a hard thing much harder.

A couple of years ago, my son was having to go through his lung surgery and I was so stressed and so scared. I felt like I couldn't do much but just be in the moment and it felt like I was sort of being carried along. I felt helpless and so dependent on God. He saw me through it. He carried me every step of the way. I look back and marvel at all the miracles He did for us then. He opened the right doors and provided what we needed. During that time, I got a glimpse of a very powerful and involved God. He cared so much for us. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. With my husband leaving, I feel so overwhelmed, kind of like when my son was going through his surgery. So as I sit here feeling the stress, the tension, I am hoping for His will and plan to be worked out in my life, though it's rough. But I am just standing here. I give up. I give up the fear, the what ifs, the worries. And what I am saying now is...if I sink, I sink. It would be better than contin...

I am happy to be back. I really missed you all. Life has been strange for me lately, even outside of my internet fast. I have been so disconnected, but I have been super-connected to God. I wrote a ton in my prayer-journal. And have carried it with me in my purse everywhere I go (it's pretty small) I think I really needed that right now. Everything happens for a reason. I needed to get a handle on my emotions and have some time to think and really pray. So I mentioned that I will be going through some changes. Long overdue (in my opinion), but I realize God has a time-table and the changes are actually right on time. It's hard to share this. Because I know that some people, especially Christians, have such a high regard for marriage. I do too. I think marriage has great potential and is one of God's greatest gifts. So now that I said all that, I'll just say...every story doesn't have a "happy ending." Some, like mine, have a necessary one.  http://www...

Well, I am having some technical difficulties and wow am I feeling it! I miss reading your blogs and sharing with you all. I hope to have things worked out soon. I will be going through some transitions in my life and if you're a praying person, please remember me in your prayers. Meanwhile, the Youth Night was a hit!!! We watched a Louie Giglio talk, How Great is our God. Then we played a really fun game afterward and hung out. The kids had a blast and so did we...the adults. It was a great night. Hoping to share more as we go on. Some other good news!! My youngest daughter, Amanda, my niece Heather and our friend Martin are getting baptized this coming Sabbath. I am excited! We've been waiting for awhile, since we were in between pastors for several months. Hope to be back soon. Thanks for reading :)

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.  Psalm 5:11 Life is strange. One day it's bright and sunny and safe; the next it's cloudy and stormy and your scurrying to find an umbrella. Maybe for some of you, you live in a place that has mild weather all the time. Or most of the time. That's a blessing. I have a cousin that seems to have it like that. She's happy and content and does what she does, living life simply. Things go along and flow smoothly, for the most part. I said to her one day, after telling her of my most recent drama, "I sure do seem to have a lot of chaos in my life". There's always something going on. Am I just a magnet for problems? Is it my personality? Do I create it? Or just allow it? I usually have good intentions, whatever the cause. So today, the sun is shining and it's a really beautiful day - outside. But I...

This morning started out so good. I was feeling very content for a change, just breathing and thinking...life is good. Then the school called. And blew my good and peace-filled morning. My daughter isn't adjusting well to high school. I don't want to go into detail, to protect her privacy, but it seems it may be time for a change. And me and change don't really get along so well. So I've had a worried, heavy, mother's heart all day. Please pray that God would make it evident what should be done. I know He already has it all figured out, but I am just a worry-wart. A couple nights ago my daughter and I watched "The Sound of Music." The part that really stands out to me about that movie is the saying - when God closes a door, He always opens a window. I love that saying and I believe it. This morning as I was looking for a quote for Facebook, I came across one by Hellen Keller - When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at...

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay Your hand upon me.  Psalm 39:5 It's pretty amazing when you see God. When it's so obvious He's working things out for you. He's not shy about announcing it when He sees fit... it's like He takes a big can of spray paint and writes..."God was here" all over your life. It's unmistakable.                                           *       *      *     "No! I don't want to learn to scuba dive!," my 8th grade son adamantly protested. "Why not? The teacher really wants you to do it. What happened? Was it because the instructor was rude to you?," I asked, hoping he'd change his mind for the teacher's sake. "No I just don't want to..." "Fine," I said, thinking I wasn't going to try to force him. Besides, I thought it had something to do with the instructor getting on to him, the day befo...

My times are in your hand~Psalm 31:15

Just this once, I'm going to be real. Honest truth is I don't know how to be real and blog. People see this. It's weird. I've been looking at blogs and came across one that interested me. The girl seemed sad and lonely. And very open about her feelings. I wonder how she does it. How does she say what's in her heart? As if it were a private journal. I keep a prayer journal. I pour almost everything out in it. Though, unfortunately, I've learned I can't be as free as I'd like in there either. So only in my thoughts and prayers am I truly free. Maybe that's the way it should be, I don't know.                               I don't have it all together. Not even close. I don't think I ever will. But I keep telling myself that God has a plan. So when things don't go right, I chalk it up to... trials make you stronger. And you learn to desperately love God. If my life would've been so wonderful, I may not have even n...