Life in His Hand

Life is strange. No matter how long you're in a situation, it never stays the same. You will not always be there, doing what you're doing or dealing with what you're dealing with. That can be hard to remember, at times. Especially when you're in the midst of it. We can't see what lies just around the next curve. My life is now beginning to look a lot different. The daily stress I used to endure is gone. My bleak future has been replaced with one of hope. I no longer see brick walls and chains. Now I see blue skies and possibilities. As I place my hand in His, I know I can trust Him wherever He leads. My prayer has been for awhile, that I wanted God's plan--not mine. He sees around the next bend, well He's paving the road! So if today, you are faced with something hard, something so bad that it doesn't feel like you can go on for one more day--hold on. It won't always be this way. Things will change. And that is why it's never a good idea to...

Had one kind of a day! Woke up bright and early for a Sunday...a little too bright and early. As I cleaned my room, I had a fight with a grey spider the size of my palm! I screamed...then he jumped at me! I bolted for the door to get the broom. When I got back I let out a super-loud yell and brought the broom smack down on him, squashing him dead with everything that was in me! I'm a loud, and vicious murderer when it comes to spiders...or crunchy sounding bugs!! I went to hang out with my grown daughter, Jenessa. Ended up at Wal-mart, of course!! We were looking around and I saw some books hanging up. I asked her, "What are those?" I didn't know if they were address books or what. "Journals." "Yournals?" I asked in my poorest play Spanish, where I turn everything  starting with "J's" into "Y's"...not "H's"..."Y's" I'm terribly goofy like that! She starts cracking up. "Uri...

I often look at normal people with their normal lives doing normal things that normal people do. And I wonder--do they realize what they have? They go along calmly living. They cook special things, talk about their kids, love their families, go about their lives working, playing, resting. They seem so quiet, settled and happy. Perfectly content. Perfectly placid. I compare myself with them and am amazed by the shocking, overwhelming contrast. My whole life has been anything but normal, anything but placid. My life is one of extremes. Extreme sorrows; extreme joys. Always lots of noise...sometimes good, sometimes not so good. Today, a kind, retired pastor was our visiting speaker at church. He is the epitome of a good Adventist. Soft-spoken, kind, spiritual, went to all the right schools, married a wonderful, sweet Adventist wife. He is living the Adventist American dream. And I wondered as he spoke of his 51 years of a happy marriage and shared stories of his calling int...

There comes a time when you know you've done all you can, when there is not one glimmer of hope left. Two years ago, during a separation, I filed for divorce. Well needless to say, we got back together and didn't finalize the divorce. I wasn't super-hopeful, but my husband had found God and so we gave it another try. Yesterday, I went and finished the paperwork for my divorce. It was easier, smoother and faster than I thought it would be. We agreed on everything and were able to sign papers. Today, I  submitted the paperwork to the court and once outside the office I let out a small squeal of delight. Worrying about this has brought me down a lot and with it just so quickly coming together, I felt tremendously relieved. Since I filed over two years ago, my divorce will be final "upon entry of judgement". The six-month waiting period doesn't apply. So in about a week, I will officially be "divorced". It seems so fast, my head is spinning, but in...

I received a letter from an inmate named David. We had only written to each other a couple of times...before I sort of flaked. I think I probably did write the last letter, about a year ago or so. A few months back, when I decided to write to all the inmates asking whether they wanted to start writing again, I sent a letter to David. And about a month later the letter was returned to me. I figured he must have been moved to another prison. So as you can imagine I was quite surprised to see that letter come in the mail a couple of weeks ago. And for a moment  (a senior moment!), I thought he was answering the letter I had sent him, and then I remembered that he never received it. So I was really happy to hear from him. He explained he had been busy trying to get things together for when he gets out in 18 months. But truth be told, I should have been making an effort to write to him and wasn't. I told him he had great timing and about the returned letter. Some ...

So today I've decided to start rebuilding my life. Things are way different now and will contnue to be. I have felt so insecure, like the foundation has been pulled out from under me. Shaky, you know. But I know God is the true foundation and He's still here. This morning, when I woke up, I prayed that God would give me structure and stability. That He would give me strength... But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 And I spent time in His word. Then studied the Sabbath school lesson, even though I don't attend the class because I teach the kids. Wrote in my prayer-journal and then decided to write down my goals for all the different areas in my life. It has been so long since I've had the emotional energy to really even set any goals. Most of that energy had been consumed by fear, worry, sadness. Lately I've been so emoti...

I had the weirdest week. I can't wait until I am past this time when my emotions are all over the place and my judgement is so off. I just pray for God's forgivesness for my missteps. It's like I'm living my whole life according to feeling. My desire to talk seems to overrule my ability to reason whether it is a good idea and whether it is the right person to share with. Then after the fact, I realize--oops that may not have been the best thing to do. The strange thing is I barely make it out of one pit and I'm stumbling right into the next one. And so I just want to forget. Sit on a beach and stare at the ocean, forgetting all my failures, my fears, regrets, longings.

This year, like no other, I am celebrating my freedom. For so long I have wanted to be in this very spot, but couldn't be. For so long I wanted to be out of what kept me bound, but for one reason or another, it wasn't to be...until now. I hope you're free today!!!!

It's funny how things can look a certain way, especially if it's something you want, then you realize something's just not right and after praying for the truth of the situation and God's will, you realize how far from the truth you actually were. Seems this is the story of my life lately. Looks can be deceiving. Supposed signs can be false. Putting two and two together with your own slant, can allow you to totally deceive yourself. I have been in situations lately that seemed right, only to keep praying and have the truth brought to me. So glad that as long as I hold onto God, He is helping me navigate through the murky waters of confusion and pulling me back to the shore. It would be nice if I didn't jump in so wholeheartedly in the first place! Maybe I need to be more cautious when standing on the bank. Keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9