Life in His Hand

Well the husband has left the building...four nights ago. I saw him yesterday and was reminded of why this is a good thing. Can I call him my ex now? I keep trying to wrap my head around that. I keep thinking of things that I am free to do. Not that I was totally controlled but there were certain things that I would refrain from out of respect for him. I am feeling somewhat nervous about the new things I will be doing and praying for God's help with them. But I am also feeling this incredible sense of freedom that I haven't experienced in years! Really it's almost like a brand-new start and I am trusting God will help me with the hard stuff as it comes up. I am now living in what was the "other side" for so long. Finally I am here. And believe me, it hasn't been easy getting here. God has brought me here from answering prayers to really working everything out, to giving me the faith I would need to trust Him for the things I don't understand; the things I...

I have had a pretty bad week. Very emotional for me. Problems with the kids and all the rest. Hormones have crept in so everything is just beneath the surface and so easily escapes. I am feeling pretty weepy. Even at church, I struggled to keep my composure when a friend asked what was going on. Luckily I felt pretty safe and so it was really nice to talk about it to someone that showed compassion. Not that I don't have others that care. But every way that someone cares matters so much to me right now. I truly appreciate the ways people are showing God's love to me. I can actually say that I have been depressed this week. I pray it passes quickly. Some good friends from out of town, Jim and Margie, were ministering in one of our churches nearby. They had wanted to attend my daughter and neice's baptisms last week, but were unable to because they had a previous engagement. So since they were in the area, they wanted to meet at a mutual friend's place to give th...

Good news of the day!! I met with my Bible study group and one lady informed me that carob fugde is NOT candy! You see, at potluck after church, I absentmindedly gulped down one very extremely luscious piece, only to panic later - going - is that considered candy?! Sounds a bit pathetic, but I'm really trying to stick to my fast (from candy). So I was relieved when I was informed that since carob is not chocolate and is very good for you, it's not real candy! The recipe actually is a very healthy one with only a few ingredients and that stuff is good!! Not all carob recipes are as good as this one :) 1 1/2 c. carob chips 1/2 tbsp. margerine 1 c. peanut butter 1/2 c. walnuts, chopped 1/2 c. coconut,flaked (unsweetened) Mix the carob chips, margerine, and peanut butter in a bowl. Microwave for about 1 1/2 to 2 minutes to melt. Stir in the coconut and walnuts. Pour into a 9 by 9 inch buttered pan. Put in the refrigerator. Set until ready to serve. Cut into 1 1/2 inch squa...

I guess right now I really need this blog as an outlet - to write about the things I'm going through. I journal life. It's hard to write about much else right now. One thing I'd like to say is that it's hard to have your life fall apart in full veiw of the church. Like you can't just go quietly find a corner for it to happen in, no it's got to happen where you feel like a spectacle. You know people talk; people judge. People have their opinions... I have several in my inner-circle that are supportive and understanding, but I know there are those that don't get it. I am comfortable enough in my church to not really care too much about that. They can think what they want. But I do have to put on a face and pretend everything's okay. So what else is new? I am a master of disguise, unfortunately. Some days it's not really an act. Some days I really am okay, in spite of what's happening. And others, well I get a little down. But I think church helps...

Had a dream last night that my husband gave me two little bags of chocolate, trying to make up. I looked at them and just threw them onto the floor where he was standing, saying, "Chocolate isn't going to fix our relationship!" I don't know where that came from; I haven't had chocolate in over a month. Two good points: I didn't accept the chocolate and I didn't accept him back. So what's up with chocolate? Well you see a couple of months ago, I heard a sermon. The man giving it had a wayward daughter at a university and he had been very concerned about her behavior there. He decided to fast from something that he consumed that wasn't good for him and to pray. And with tears in his eyes, he said that within two weeks, she decided to move back home. Our problems have been pretty ongoing, seemingly neverending. I was always dealing with it. I decided to fast something that was near and dear to my heart...candy! I was eating way too much of the s...

In a fairly recent post, And My Heart Melts... , I wrote of my involvement with a Christian prison letter-writing ministry. Click here- Someone Cares - to find out how you can write and encourage people. The program is safe as you and they use the ministry's address and you can use a pen-name. I certainly know that this isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it is an easy way to make a difference in someone's life, so I think it's worth my sharing the info just in case you may have an interest. I sent out 5 "fishing" letters to see if any of my abandoned prisoners still wanted to write. Jack, from deathrow, which I had tried to get rematched well over a year ago (they never rematched him, but sent his info back to me, with a note that they needed me), Bobby, and Bucky all wrote back saying that yes, they wanted to write again, Bobby wondering why I stopped writing. One letter came back, undelivered. And the one I had hoped for, Josiah, didn't come. I didn...

So about a month and a half ago, I talked about the story in the Bible with the two demon-possessed guys that lived in the tombs, naked and cutting themselves, at prayer-meeting. Jesus cast the demons out and sent them to live in the herd of pigs. After he restored them, one begged Jesus to take him with him. He wanted to be with Jesus and be His disciple. But Jesus said, "No, go back home and tell them what I have done for you." And the man instantly obeyed - no questions asked. Forgive my loose paraphrase. I decided that since we were on the subject of the two demoniacs that night, I would share an experience that I had when I was a teenager, with them. When I was fourteen, I met a guy when we moved to a new town. I was completely into the heavy-metal scene. So when I showed up at school, he noticed me pretty quickly, wearing my black rock shirts and Levi jacket with the patches. Kids like us all gravitated toward each other because we had a common bond. Plus he thought I...

A couple of years ago, my son was having to go through his lung surgery and I was so stressed and so scared. I felt like I couldn't do much but just be in the moment and it felt like I was sort of being carried along. I felt helpless and so dependent on God. He saw me through it. He carried me every step of the way. I look back and marvel at all the miracles He did for us then. He opened the right doors and provided what we needed. During that time, I got a glimpse of a very powerful and involved God. He cared so much for us. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. With my husband leaving, I feel so overwhelmed, kind of like when my son was going through his surgery. So as I sit here feeling the stress, the tension, I am hoping for His will and plan to be worked out in my life, though it's rough. But I am just standing here. I give up. I give up the fear, the what ifs, the worries. And what I am saying now is...if I sink, I sink. It would be better than contin...

I am happy to be back. I really missed you all. Life has been strange for me lately, even outside of my internet fast. I have been so disconnected, but I have been super-connected to God. I wrote a ton in my prayer-journal. And have carried it with me in my purse everywhere I go (it's pretty small) I think I really needed that right now. Everything happens for a reason. I needed to get a handle on my emotions and have some time to think and really pray. So I mentioned that I will be going through some changes. Long overdue (in my opinion), but I realize God has a time-table and the changes are actually right on time. It's hard to share this. Because I know that some people, especially Christians, have such a high regard for marriage. I do too. I think marriage has great potential and is one of God's greatest gifts. So now that I said all that, I'll just say...every story doesn't have a "happy ending." Some, like mine, have a necessary one.  http://www...