Life in His Hand

I saw thee weep -- the big bright tear Came o'er that eye of blue; And then methought it did appear A violet dropping dew; I saw thee smile -- the sapphire's blaze Beside thee ceased to shine; It could not match the living rays That fill'd that glance of thine. As clouds from yonder sun receive A deep and mellow dye, Which scarce the shade of coming eve Can banish from the sky, Those smiles unto the moodiest mind Their own pure joy impart; Their sunshine leaves a glow behind That lightens o'er the heart. -Lord Byron

When we two parted In silence and tears, Half broken-hearted To sever for years, Pale grew thy cheek and cold, Colder thy kiss; Truly that hour foretold Sorrow to this. The dew of the morning Sunk chill on my brow– It felt like the warning Of what I feel now. Thy vows are all broken, And light is thy fame: I hear thy name spoken, And share in its shame. They name thee before me, A knell to mine ear; A shudder comes o’er me– Why wert thou so dear? They know not I knew thee, Who knew thee too well: – Long, long shall I rue thee, Too deeply to tell. In secret we met– In silence I grieve, That thy heart could forget, Thy spirit deceive. If I should meet thee After long years, How should I greet thee? With silence and tears. -Lord Byron

We're just hours away from another New Year. Another new beginning. I'm not making any big resolutions. No, I want to follow God's leading and learn quickly from my mistakes. I've been praying for a "word" for this year. At my first thought of it, several days ago, my word was "step". I thought- that sounds a bit scary to me. But every time I pray, nothing comes but that word. Last year was "trust". And it was very appropriate. I have learned to trust God more. Though, honestly, not completely. Step means taking a step into the unknown. Like Peter stepping out of the boat. He couldn't walk on water, right? What was he doing stepping out of that boat? He couldn't do it himself, but Jesus called and enabled him. "Step" also means to simply put one foot in front of the other. Live one day at a time. It is said God only gives enough light to see the next step. And we only need to take that one step. Simple trust. That's...

I can't decide whether I need this blog, want this blog, should have this blog. The idea behind this one is that I can just come on here and say whatever I feel like saying. So my hang-up is...do I want people reading what I really feel? Of course I am not putting everything on here. Not in the least. You know what? It is hard to be who you are. Well, for me, it seems to be. And yet I am compelled to write stuff down. It's just what I do. They actually say writing is the most real you can get. Because it's your thoughts just flowing onto 'paper'. I've always sort of been this way. When I was a kid I wrote stories, tried to have a diary, but wasn't good at that. My cousins and I wrote letters to each other all the time. Still have a lot of them. Kept trying the diary thing and would write occasionally in there. A lot of times, I wasn't able to tell people my feelings and so writing came in handy. How many ended up in the garbage, who can know? Don't g...

  thegypsymama.com  Join us in writing for 5 unedited minutes on different topics each week. Open If you walk around with tightly closed fists, you are not allowing God to use you. Maybe your fists are closed around your plan for your life or around your hopes for the future. But we should always have open hands to receive blessings from God and as we receive we shouldn't close our hands, but leave them open so the blessings can flow out to others. We become a channel of His blessings to those around us. Maybe it doesn't always seem like God is blessing and maybe we want to close our hands to keep from receiving the hard things, the trials. But some of the best blessings come through trials.

I'm really excited about this upcoming New Year. Well every year I start feeling this way, to a certain extent. It seems that maybe one would feel this on their birthday. This anticipation and new hope for another year. To see how it unfolds and what it holds. For some reason, for me, it's all reserved for the New Year. Strange, but I think this is one of my favorite holidays. I like to reflect over the past year and dream of the upcoming one and pray. Several years back I used to name the new year...this will be the year of renewal, etc. Last year I came up with one word to describe it...'trust'. And it hasn't been the easiest year for me. A lot of struggles in my life. But I've felt God's closeness and comfort through the hard times and confusion. And it has not all been difficult, God has given me so many wonderful experiences as well. He's stretching and growing me in so many ways. He's given me people to help and opportunities to minister to o...

It's one day after Christmas and I am feeling so motivated to work on my bedroom. We live in a really small house. We moved here about 6 months ago from a house twice it's size, almost (and I thought that house was too small). But God had a plan for us to live in this even smaller house. When we moved we got rid of a ton of stuff. But unfortunately we ran out of time and so the boxes of mostly papers that I didn't have time to sort all came here, plus the things I couldn't decide on. So that leaves me where I am today. I have a very small bedroom that doubles as a storage. My closet is tiny and I have storage boxes stacked up in there, too. Barely any room to hang our clothes, so there's a good excuse why I also have clothes piled up here and there. What I'd like to do is buy some type of wardrobe/closet thing and just use the tiny closet for storage. Today I am going to get started on sorting. I should add pictures so you can more fully sympathize, but wow! t...

What really matters in life are the people you love. The family and friends that are a part of your life. Some have made it possible for you to even be on this earth and some have found something in you that they like and decided to keep you around. Today my grandfather fell through a barn roof and broke his back and has some other injuries. He is 84 years old. If you are reading this, please pray for him. A few years back, he was in a car accident and broke his neck. My poor grandpa, having these horrible accidents at his age. I will be spending my holiday in prayer for him and his wife Fay. Sometimes life just throws things at you that make you sit up and take notice and realize just what really matters in this world. May we all appreciate the special people in our lives this Christmas.

Only five days until Christmas. The kids are getting excited. I have nothing wrapped. Things have been slow going this year. Plus I don't exactly trust the little cherubim. They will either shake things, feel things to death or straight up just tear the paper and peek. So my middle daughter keeps asking where all the presents are. I just tell her not to worry, maybe Santa's bringing them this year. Just doesn't feel like Christmas. Probably because I haven't had to spend a lot of time out in the crowded stores (thanks to online shopping). Also my mind is preoccupied and so the holiday's not getting the usual attention I give it. I just bought Christmas cards today and am only sending two, the rest are going to be hand-delivered. Our stockings aren't even hung by the chimney with care...that's on the to do list for tomorrow. We haven't gone to see the Christmas lights yet either. I'm really slacking, but nobody seems to notice or care. Except Sophi...

Life is strange and beautiful and hard to figure out. And what's more puzzling is the way God says that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). So everyday as things happen, whether good or bad- it's all for your ultimate good. That is hard to grasp. And yet as I've suffered through hard times, I have grown so much closer to God than I think I would have, had I not suffered those things. I've felt alone many times. I've been weak and at the end of my rope and felt like giving up. He has shown up and has spoken to me in many ways, lifting me up. He never leaves us alone.

Finding myself feeling extremely thankful for the kindness of friends. Spent time with people at church. People that cared enough to ask how I was really doing. To me that says a lot. Also was able to have a heart to heart with one of my dearest and sweetest friends tonight. Filling her in on all that's happening with me. She was very supportive and said, now I can pray for you. She didn't judge, but sympathized with me. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone to listen. Not to solve everything. Not to have all the answers, but to go through it with me. And this woman's a prayer-warrior. She didn't expect me to be strong or to know what to do either. There's a strange comfort in someone joining in with you on the unknown. And praying to an all-knowing God that has everything already figured out. Such a comfort to not go it alone.

I am in awe of God. When I'm down, He lifts me up. Tomorrow I will go to His house for our weekly visit. There is no place I'd rather be than with Him on His day. I know that He will show up in a special way and I am waiting to see how He communicates His love. I do have a relationship with Him everyday, but on Sabbath He invites me to come to His house. What a privilege. When I first became a Christian, I had no idea what was opening up to me. Suddenly there was another realm. Another reality. There were angels and the Holy Spirit. God was orchestrating my whole life, for my good, behind the scenes. Yes- He was there before, but I didn't know Him. I didn't 'see' any of this new world of hope and love. How I love to lose myself in Him. The angels ministered to Jesus in His time of need and they minister to us in ours.

God makes me so happy. He's such an awesome friend. As you may know, if you've read this blog, I am having some struggles lately. And some real questions about God. A couple days ago, a friend told me to hold onto His hand and that He'd see me through. And to pray. That encouraged me a lot. So today, at my Bible study, we studied the parable of the persistent widow. The basic message was don't give up. Keep praying. God will help you. It echoed my friend's words. There was a section that listed the reasons God seems to delay His answers. One was that He is working things out in order to bring about the answer. Setting things up. Another was so you'd learn to depend on Him more and feel your need. God arranged this study for this day because He knew I'd need it. And that I needed Him. He also knew I needed a friend and sent one to speak hope to me. What lengths He goes to for me.  I am forever grateful to have You in my life, God.

Wish I had something wonderful to say, but I don't. I just feel like writing. At times I feel like two people. I don't mean to be that way, but it happens. I have a lot of issues I'm dealing with and I can't share them with many people. I hope someday to resolve these things and have peace. To be on the inside what people usually see on the outside. I guess I have learned to compartmentalize myself...hope that doesn't mean I won't be able to be put back together again when it's all said and done - like Humpty-Dumpty. com·part·men·tal·ize     (k m pärt-m n tl- z , k m-pärt -) tr.v.   com·part·men·tal·ized ,  com·part·men·tal·iz·ing ,  com·part·men·tal·iz·es To separate into distinct parts, categories, or compartments: 

Twinkling lights. Shiny, colorful ornaments. Silver tinsel. A sparkly star. All adorning a fresh evergreen tree and underneath- pretty packages all tied with bows. Big, happy smiles. Laughter and squeals. Wonder and anticipation. Joy and delight. Surprise! Christmas gifts. There's nothing like the joy a kid (or anyone for that matter) feels when they are opening gifts. What's inside? Is it a sweater from Aunt Fern? If so, will it fit? Will I like it? Will I ever wear it? Maybe there's something I've been wanting and hinting around about for a long time. I hope I get it! My heart's desire. Sigh... Especially in the few days before Christmas, the excitement and anticipation grows. Well you all know the feeling. I think there's one thing better than Christmas gifts. Spiritual gifts. They're not always obvious. Sometimes they need to be opened with much prayer. To every believer at least one is given to use in service to others, for building up the church. ...

                                                                                           Sometimes every one of us feels Like we’ll never be healed Sometimes  Sometimes every one of us aches Like we’ll never be saved Sometimes When we’ve given up Let your healing come When theres nothing left Let your healing come Til were risin up Let your healing come Where You go we will follow Where You go we will follow It’s Your love that we adore It’s like a sea without a shore We’re lost in You, We're lost in You It’s Your love that we adore It’s like a sea without a shore We’re lost in You, We're lost in You Sometimes Sometimes it’s like we'll never atone For all the love we've known  Sometimes like in a smile of a song When you feel it come Then that feeli...

I'm going through a weird time in my life. I wanted to start this blog because I wanted to just write whatever I felt like saying. I have deleted it twice already. They give you the nice, little option of undeleting it, as well. So here I am again. I'm back. Again. At this rate I may delete it daily and then have the joy of resurrecting it everyday! Sounds like a fun game. So I sit here and write whatever I feel like writing- la dee da -thinking there's really not anyone reading this. Then I think- well...there could be and then go- I shouldn't have said this and I shouldn't have said that. DELETE! So welcome back if you are actually reading this...I'm so indecisive and flaky, you may come back tomorrow and I may be gone. But please DO come back the day after cuz I'll probably be back. You see I like the idea of this and I like the picture and the name. I even like the font and that it's black and white. It seems to fit me. I like it more than my other b...

What do you do when you just don't know what to do? Pray? I have been doing that. God seems to have given me the answer, but it appears to be a waiting period. For me that usually means 'doubt'. Am I reading Him right? Did He really say that? I have more questions than answers. I question the answers...oh well, time will tell. In the meantime I will just carry on. In my morning devotions...that I actually did this morning...it was all about following Christ. Asking if God was calling you into a new place, like Moses and Abraham. I believe He is. I am a baby when it comes to change. I have a hard time dealing with it. So the very fact that I believe He is calling me into something new, just keeps me feeling uncomfortable most of the time...waiting to see if He actually is. Seeing is believing. Waiting on God. Probably one of my most favorite/least favorite things to do. He has been speaking a very consistent message to me for a very long time. As it appears to be drawing nea...

You know what I'm really tired of? Seeing almost naked women all over the place. I mean big deal, you have a body. Okay you have cleavage. Wow, we all could show it if we wanted to. Men aren't the only ones who have to see it everywhere. Us girls do and so do all the kids around. Is it such a big deal to the men out there? Haven't they seen it all before? Lust, I guess. It's just all so over-rated anyway. Sex... ok. That's nice. But unless it's within a loving marriage, it's not very meaningful. Yes! I am ranting because I can't go anywhere without some celebrity in a bikini on the cover of a magazine with it saying- so and so gained five pounds. Now look how fat she looks! Or better yet- Wow! Amazing! This star just had quadruplets two weeks ago, she lost 150 pounds and now look at how sexy she is in her string bikini! I mean can we please get a life? Get our minds out of the gutter! Pay attention to what's really important. What about teaching me...

I sometimes think if people knew all the stuff going on in my mind and heart, maybe they'd see me differently. I don't know anymore who to be or how to be. Even if I could figure it out, I don't think I even have the strength to be any different or better than I am now. I wonder about God. What does He do with someone who truly feels love for Him, but can't seem to improve. I just don't have the strength to. I've pretty much come to the end of myself, strength, courage, ideas, hope? No I have hope. Hope that God would just take over.

In church today we there were lots of kids in our class! We're growing and I think it's awesome! Our church has had problems for awhile and I finally see that things are turning around for us. I am so thankful. It does something tremendous to my heart to be able to have the opportunity to influence kids for God. Show them the right path and help them along on their journeys. Oh if they can get it young, what a lot of heart-ache they could avoid. I wasn't raised in a Christian home, but exposed to church a little. I got into a lot of trouble and was into heavy metal and very rebellious. My home life wasn't stable. I messed up in school. I seriously wonder what could have been different if I would have had someone like who I am now guiding me then. Hmm... well I "have been there done that" and have many warnings and much to preach about to these kids. I tell them "never smoke, do drugs or drink", "let God choose the person you will marry", ...

This song takes me to a simpler time. A time of friendship and discovery. Just to know someone for the sheer pleasure of knowing them. Without analyzing and all the what ifs. Of feeling free to really understand someone else. Takes me back to friends I used to have. Friends I'd spend endless hours talking to, dreaming and listening to music with, which glued our hearts together. It brings me to sadness at the thought of no longer having that. But always having to guard and measure my words. It brings me to hope. That possibly, by some good fortune, I will recapture a bit of that someday. And yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers,  But all that lives is born to die. And so I say to you  that nothing really matters, And all you do is stand and cry~Led Zeppelin

Sometimes things are so hard to figure out. Maybe that's why we shouldn't ask "why", but "how". How do I do this thing? Not why did this happen? That's easier said than done. Time to start trusting God for the purpose in these things and trust the promises He's made... all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. God will not put more on us than we can handle, without providing a way of escape so we may bear it. Also that He came to give life and give it more abundantly. His word is full of promises to hold onto. Sometimes His timing seems slow to us, but it's always perfect. Right now my life seems to go from one confusion to the next. One clinging to a promise to the next. And I wonder if it will ever be resolved. I have ongoing struggles that I really don't know how to deal with. So lately I've just been holding onto His hand and trying to trust Him with everything. This truly is the...

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay Your hand upon me.  Psalm 39:5 It's pretty amazing when you see God. When it's so obvious He's working things out for you. He's not shy about announcing it when He sees fit... it's like He takes a big can of spray paint and writes..."God was here" all over your life. It's unmistakable.                                           *       *      *     "No! I don't want to learn to scuba dive!," my 8th grade son adamantly protested. "Why not? The teacher really wants you to do it. What happened? Was it because the instructor was rude to you?," I asked, hoping he'd change his mind for the teacher's sake. "No I just don't want to..." "Fine," I said, thinking I wasn't going to try to force him. Besides, I thought it had something to do with the instructor getting on to him, the day befo...