Life in His Hand

Stumbled upon a young guy's blog today and found inspiration. He listed the day as Monday. Said he didn't even think he'd been outside for two days... Then said something about not having much to write about. I commented that I liked his blog. It was short, simple and to the point. His real voice. I didn't say that. Then I went back a little further to realize this guy was a singer-making music all night, so that explained why he hadn't been outside for two days. Oops. I also realized that he had a Tumblr he uses more and likes to post pics. I commented again, letting him know I hadn't gone back far enough to see he did have stuff to say. Nevertheless, I liked his blog when he didn't have much to say. So what inspired me? His real voice. Who he was came through. Just earlier today, I was thinking about how I just really don't have a lot of stuff to write about. How people probably wouldn't want to hear about my daily happenings. They...

Adjusting to my new life has been interesting. Things are definitely different. The atmosphere changed dramatically around here. I still feel a lot of stress and am having to try HARD to trust in God, but I know that I am doing this according to His will and plan for my life. He has been with me this far. I know I can count on Him to continue being with me. There are some things I am putting off doing that I know I need to do. I feel better about them now that I read an article which gives you permission to do just that. Deal with things when you're ready. So I will. I've surprised myself that I haven't let the lawn die and that I didn't, when I was mowing the back "field" this morning. Somehow the garbage can actually makes it out to the road before garbage day, too, which sort of amazes me. I've been working on organizing things around the house and it seems easier to keep clean. It feels more like "home" now. My kids have been spe...

Today, I am in awe of God. I have had a lot of anxiety lately and even doubts have tried to creep in about my whole relationship with Him. About how He speaks to me, about what He says and does in my life. But today, He has shown me He means what He says and that His promises are true. That our relationship is as real as if He were standing right in front of me. Recently, I had felt a little mocked about how God and I relate to each other, causing me to feel a little awkward about it and maybe even almost causing me to second guess what is so real in my everyday life. But God has reassured me, again, that this is real and true. I have often asked myself why I feel so close to Him. And all I can say is He has been here to keep me from becoming totally discouraged in the circumstances I have been in. I think He's had to become closer over the past few years as things in my life have just gotten worse and harder to handle emotionally. So I know that b...

Expectation is the root of all heartache. William Shakespeare

Today, I think of my sister as they are driving across the country, carrying all their earthly belongings with them.  I can't imagine the amount of work that it took them to get rid of ALL their stuff! They had a lot! Lots of old cars, too. But here they are now, driving with everything they own, tucked neatly away in the bed of the truck or the motorhome. My sister was so happy when all her most important things fit perfectly in the compartments and cabinets in the motorhome. I think of her family photos, stowed away in a box. I think of her other mementos and sentimental things, riding along to be carefully unpacked in a new life. These things are not there by accident, but were chosen, taking up privileged space that was reserved for the cherished. cher·ish (ch r sh) tr.v. cher·ished , cher·ish·ing , cher·ish·es 1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear 2. To keep fondly in mind I think of this word--cherish. How beautiful a...

life is thirst ...love is water I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs. Isaiah 41:18

Do you ever ask God "Why"? I do. Sometimes He may give us the reason things happen. But it seems that most of the time, we just have to trust. One of my favorite Bible verses that is a comfort when bad or confusing things happen is Romans 8:28, which says:   And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. This verse is a nice reminder that although there is trouble in life, God can and does use even the bad things to somehow bring blessings to us. That all the trials aren't in vain. Trials grow us. They can bring us closer to Jesus. They can cause us to value what's important in life and cause us to get our priorities straight. When you are going through something really difficult, frivolous things tend to fall away. Today, my sister and her family are moving to Florida. I'm in California. This isn't what I would have chosen to happen. But God sees the bigger picture and kn...

While searching for direction; for guidance, I often claim the promise in James 1:5, which says--   If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. I actually believe God provides guidance when we are willing to align our lives with His will. In the past, I have made terrible choices, without praying; without seeking the Lord's wisdom. Mostly because I wasn't a Christian and didn't realize my need or opportunity. A lot of suffering has resulted from the thoughtless decisions I've made. And even in spite of them, a lot of blessings have also come my way. But the pain from those decisions has certainly caused me to become pretty gun shy. Not able to trust my own ability when it comes to making major life decisions. So I ask God for help a lot. He sees the bigger picture and has my best interests at heart. I honestly do want to follow His plan for my life. Since praying for God'...

I feel like I am walking through a dark tunnel with splashes of light here and there. There just seems to be a constant heaviness in my chest and a tenseness in my body that doesn't go away--except for occasional moments where I feel like I'm lifted up; fleeting moments in which I can forget reality for a little while. But no lasting peace. No feeling of "it's gonna be okay". I have to remind myself that God will see me through this. This is what needed to happen, I just didn't expect it to be so hard. Sources of L ight : God -- He has been very close to me, giving guidance and hope. Friends & Family -- offering encouragement and support & prayer. Music -- it lifts me up. Home -- changed some things around which lifted my spirits. Kids -- doing things with the church kids, as well as with my own, brings a lot of joy to my life . Nature -- blue skies and sunshine always make me feel hopeful . Dogs -- this one's wei...

Several weeks ago, we had six baby chicks hatch. There are two mama hens, so I'm not sure which babies went with which mama. But that didn't seem to bug them, they just cared for all of them together in the chicken coop. Aww...so precious. There's just nothing as sweet as seeing a hen gently caring for her chicks. Don't you think? And that reminded me of a song I used to do for the babies in our Cradle Roll class at church. We'd have a nice, stuffed hen up in front of the room and each child would have a cute, little chick to bring up to the mama hen and put it snuggly under her wings at the appropriate time. I have never had chickens before, except those stuffed ones in Sabbath school. So that was the sweet picture I'd think of when I'd read these verses in the Bible-- "....How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings....” Matthew 23:37 And... He will cover you with his feathers...

I would just like to take a minute and say thank you to two very special and encouraging people-my blog buddies, Christa and Pam.  Thank you for supporting me during this difficult time...for reading my blog and for giving me so much encouragement as I say what I need to say. Your comments are always so caring and thoughtful. I truly appreciate you and I'd also like to add a thank you to everyone else that reads and/or comments.  Check out their awesome blogs! Christa's is Crit Chat and Pam's is Life as Pam . You're sure to be blessed!

All it took was one week out until he has hooked up with an old girlfriend. They are making plans to meet. Yep, it's all over Facebook for all to see. As much as I know that our relationship needed to be over and I am glad it is, this is still hard to see. It still hurts a lot. I know that really he is doing me a favor by doing this, because it frees me to remarry someday--according to biblical standards, but it still hurts. To be so quickly forgotten and replaced. I knew he didn't care, this just proves it. I was waiting for this to happen. Looking for it, actually, but didn't expect it to be so soon. My friend said...give a man enough rope and he'll hang himself. So right now I am in a really hard place. I knew this friend request was sitting unaccepted for over a year. I believe he knew all along that when he accepted it, this would happen. I wonder just how long this was in his mind. Please pray for me. This has just made a hard thing much harder.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Kahlil Gibran My sister and her family are moving away--all the way to Florida! In just a little over a week, we'll all be saying our good-byes. I thought a while back that it wouldn't be so tough, but the closer it gets to the time, the more I know it's going to be a really hard thing to do. Why do people always have to say good-bye? Almost seems like that's what life is all about. Nothing stays the same. Today someone may be in your life and tomorrow they're gone. I know there are ways to keep in touch, but it's just not the same. So many people have walked into my life, some of them staying quite awhile, while others, staying just for a brief visit. And many leave. I hold their memory close and think of them often. Some I will not see until eternity and others, I pray to one day find. Old friends, childhood friends I've somehow lost track of. I wonder about these. ...

One way that God communicates with me is by having the same message come at me from different places. I like to call them "clusters." He really gets my attention when He does this. I have heard of Him doing this with other people also. Over a week ago, when I was waiting for everything to happen, I was writing/praying a lot in my prayer-journal about the situation. I picked up my daughter's little daily devotional book that was a gift for her baptism and found a little story to read. At the bottom of the page, there was a small section  which said... Think of a time when God said - wait. If God is allowing a door to be closed for you, look for the one He is opening. That really jumped out at me. I even have a keychain which says..when God shuts one door He always opens another. That brought me a little encouragement. A couple of days later, I was at the park with my grandkids I watch and I was writing in my journal and it was like a voice said..."the door's o...